I've been doing this NANOWRIMO thing. Write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. Well, I started out great, see my first week progress here. But, then something happened around day 10. I suddenly found myself doing everything except writing my novel.
I jazzed up my website.
I updated my Facebook status.
I read library books.
I washed dishes, tried out new recipes, and folded laundry... all when I could have been writing more words in my novel and getting myself closer to the 50,000 word mark.
At the end of day 11, I had fallen 1000 words short of my goal. I was devastated. I felt like a failure. And yet, at the same time, I was bored with my characters, bored with my story line. I just didn't care what happened to those people, and there were more exciting things to do.
I was developing ideas for new products.
I was cleaning house, writing lesson plans, organizing rooms.
It was when I found myself looking for work-at-home writing jobs instead of writing that I realized I'm a quitter. I have a pattern of started projects that I've never finished, like a box full of half baked novel ideas. I opened an Ebay store several years ago, and closed out estates selling items on consignment, and eventually my excitement waned and I closed the store. I started writing a series of unit studies, and wrote three books, but then my excitement waned and I haven't written a new unit in two years. This is my habit. I get excited and I work hard, but after awhile I get bored and some more interesting project comes along, I get distracted, I quit the project to start a new one, and later, in hind sight, I feel like I failed. I am always sure that I could have had great success if only I had stuck with it. I wondered if I was born this way, or if there was something that I could do to change this habit.
I have discovered that I work best when I am externally motivated. Basically, this means that I am more productive when there is something on the line. This could be an imaginary result, as in "people will mock me if I fail." It doesn't matter if the mocking will actually happen or not, it is the internal belief that this negative result will come about by means of a specific behavior that moves us to modify our behaviors. I use a negative motivator as an example because those are often the strongest for us.
However, positive motivators can work just as well. Again, these can be real, as in "I will get a promotion if I finish this on time" or imagined, such as "I will make millions once this is finished and people see my masterpiece."
These external motivators are very effective for most people. They show up to work to get a paycheck, and the mow their lawns so the neighbors won't complain.
But, those who have discovered the glory of the internal motivator are the most successful in life. You see, an external motivator is easily removed. An imaginary one goes away when you simply stop believing in it.
An internal motivator is a passion, a purpose, a love for that which you are doing. This is what drives people to complete long term projects, even when there are setbacks. It is the thing that keeps people persisting in the wake of tragedy.
It is day 12 of the 30 day challenge. I will keep typing. I will find something interesting in these characters or I will make something up. Perhaps, I will search for what it is that motivates them; not externally, but internally. What is their passion, their purpose, their mission? What is it that drives them to behave the way that they do? It's time for me to close this blog post and return to their world, and catch up on my word count.
Maybe after I see if internal motivation can be bought on Ebay.
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