Expert Parenting Advice From Me To You

When I read parenting blogs or advice columns, I often wonder about the qualifications of said advice giver.

Does she have one perfectly docile and complacent child? My first was kind of like that.

Does she have a toddler who eats everything, climbs everything, unlocks everything, and is somehow both stronger and faster than her? I've had a couple of those. Did she survive those years? I have to know.

Every summer at camp, the kids get a group shot of the whole crowd of them. 

I had two kids at camp the same week this summer. Both of them are in this cut out of the group. One is the smiling boy in the blue Thrivent shirt. The other is the grouchy (part of me wants to say creepy looking) kid in the red hat hiding his face in the upper right corner. See him now? 

This is a great example of their personality differences. One is bubbly and smiling and full of drama who loves to follow the crowd. The other is a quiet, deep thinker who prefers to walk against the tide just to see how far he can.

One of them leaves a mess and wanders off. The other likes to keep his things neat. One likes loud music, the other likes to make his own. 

They share a room. The peace treaty is often violated between these two.

I've been doing this parenting thing for more than 20 years. I'm a mother in law and a nursing mom at the same time. I've researched scholarships while in labor. I've run the spectrum of parenting experiences and here's what I know: very little.

The longer I do this parenting gig, the more I realize how much I don't know. So, moms, take it from an expert, I believe you are doing the best you can in your experience, your circumstances and with what you know. So, keep reading those blogs and articles, but remember this: anyone who claims to have all the answers to your parenting questions hasn't really been in the parenting trenches yet.

SuperMom completes craft, saves world

To my crafty friends, how do you get anything else done?

This took half the day, first, read instructions, think about supply list, try to remember what I have/need to get and where these things are. (I did all of that the night before)

 Then, gather supplies, teach kid how to trace, how to cut, get impatient three hours later and finish cutting them for her.

Assemble flowers, wait 20 minutes for her to find her hairbrush, put up hair, realize you did a twist backwards, argue with kid about starting over, give in and leave it.

Finish braiding, attach flowers to hair pins, and place in hair. Get pictures quick because you know this is not going to last.

Pour a refreshing drink as she bounces off with her "I'm a princess hair and attitude" Sit down to enjoy said drink. Spit out first sip when you hear screams from the child's bedroom.

A flower fell out. Of course.

Try about three dozen times over the next hour to make them stay in, explaining to your daughter that it is impoosible to have beautiful hair AND do gymnastics on your bed.

Regret these words when child says, "Fine. I'll just throw the flowers away then."

Talk child out of throwing away a whole day of hard work, and save them in the box of other random pretty things her heart can't let go of.

Send her off to play, apocalypse averted for another day. Collapse from exhaustion and silently swear to throw away every kids magazine with a craft project in it.

But, hey, at least I get to keep this cool picture.

The right way to handle the stomach flu in a big family

After two decades of parenting and a few bouts with illness, I've finally discovered the best way to handle sickness in our family.

First, a tip: this last time our family was ill, I had just done a full day of deep cleaning. The next morning, I had a vomiting child. So, first of all, Moms - you must simply NEVER do too much deep cleaning. I think it stirs up something. Although, if you're going to have children sticking their head in the toilet, it might as well be clean.

Once the sickness begins, here's how you need to handle it:
1. The first one down should be a child, but one of the bigger children, preferably a responsible teenager who can make it to the bathroom, leave as little mess as possible, generally clean up after himself and give you some warning that the rest are coming.

2. Next, all the Littles should be sick at once. There is something lovely about having all the small children lay on the floor on top of a blanket with there little puke buckets (remember, you were warned it was coming) while Mommy nurses the baby and reads Bennet's book of Children's Virtues.

3.Now, it is best if Mom is generally unaffected by the illness itself. She will, of course, be nauseated by all the vomiting and diarrhea that is happening around her, but she really cannot afford to come down with an actual illness herself. If she is tired and happens to throw up once or twice, it's really just a side effect of caring for all the others.

4. This is the time to have those older children who have not yet gotten sick catching up on schoolwork and chores and helping keep things under control. Dad should get to the store for supplies - it's okay if he doesn't usually do the shopping - he's more likely to overbuy than underbuy, and at this point, you want all the help you can get. He should also pick himself up something for dinner because he'll still have his appetite, but cleaning up vomit and cooking just should not go together.

5. The other bigger children and Dad can get sick when all the Littles are done with the grossest symptoms and have moved on to lethargy. This way, Mom can take care of them (with the help of that responsible teenager who got sick at first and is now feeling much better), while the Littles are generally content to lay around with books, or even watch TV. Families - if you never let your children watch television or sit with their face glued to a Kindle - NOW is the time to just let it happen.

5. Lastly, I highly recommend picking up a bug with a short life span. Those 24-hour ones are probably the best bet. That way, with this method, you can have the whole thing out of the house and everyone recovering in about 72 hours. This is so much better than the method where one child gets sick, gets better, then another gets sick, slowly passing the crud through the family, one by one, for weeks at a time, always wondering who will be next.

On one last note, if your husband happens to be a Pastor, I would suggest not scheduling this ordeal on Ash Wednesday or any other major feast day. Otherwise, you're welcome, because at least now you know that even if you can't control the illness that attacks your family, you can come out the other side with a sense of humor.

Genghis Khan story review

This is a story review by Tyler Johnson (age 15) on the story of Genghis Khan and his Hawk.

He writes:

A very good story with a good moral. Genghis Kahn was a fierce general who ran his army. He went hunting with his hawk. I believe this is a very happy and sad but fun story.

The main characters are Kahn and his Hawk. Kahn is a large, fierce man. His Hawk is an agile bird with long wings. They are motivated by their love to hunt. Khan is very rash. The hawk is a little too prideful.

Kahn needs water. He was chasing a deer and got lost. He then thirst. He found a stream. But, the hawk wouldn't let him drink. He moves toward the source of the stream, but the hawk still won't let him drink. Kahn is angered.

In the end, Kahn kills his friend, and throws his cup only to find the water was poisoned. He grieves over his friend. He learns that it's not always for pleasure or gain someone does something. It has an overall theme of friendship and loss.

Khan is very relatable. We all have been too harsh at times. We all have been like the hawk, trying to help and only being punished. It's kind of ironic. Kahn was super smart and strong yet wouldn't listen to his best friend. I think that Kahn killing the bird makes the story so much more powerful. I was very intrigued by what would happen. It added to the story to keep the venom hidden because then when he found it the poison was all the more surprising.

I was quite surprised by the snake. I had no idea the snake would be there. I felt very sad about the bird dying to save one. It is obvious the author is trying to tell us sometimes we should just listen. It teaches us that standing up for another is never wrong. It is motives that can go astray. I found it a fun, sad and interesting read.

Tyler read the version of this story by Lori Verstegen, through the Institute for Excellence in Writing curriculum.

Homeshooling How We Do It

Welcome to homeschooling, year 14. As this year comes to a close and I start to face year 15, I noticed a theme that seems to keep repeating year after year. Perhaps you've noticed it in your house too.

We are ready to be done, physically and mentally, but not academically.

So, about this time of year, I start thinking about how to make next year better.

7 of the 8 children are still here in the house, and still need my time and attention daily. This year I taught 11th grade, 9th, 7th, 3rd and 1st grade all at once, with a three year old who likes to yell at me

"MOM, WHERE'S MY SCHOOLWORK!"

and a one year old who until recently was still nursing.

I often hear this question: "HOW DO YOU DO IT?" and almost always, the person asking is either not a homeschooler and completely clueless, and there is no answer that I can give them, OR the person is a homeschooling mom who is really asking, "HOW CAN I DO IT?"

So, I'm going to try to help answer both of those questions, without too much snark, and try to keep it real.

TIP #1 MAKE LESSON PLANS AND LISTS
REALITY #1 YOU WILL PROBABLY ALWAYS BE BEHIND SCHEDULE

After trying all sorts of things, I've learned that for my personality, I need to spend the summer researching curriculum and developing lesson plans. I have publishers I like Veritas Press and I usually start with their recommendations and tailor it to each child (I'll talk about that next). I use a grid from Sonlight to plan out our daily lessons or goals.

The first page always looks something like this ALL IN PENCIL with subjects along the side column and children's names at the top. It's a worksheet, a place for me to plan out what I hope to accomplish over the course of the year.

Then, I create a page for each day (Monday - Friday for 36 weeks) - this is important for those of you who have to report attendance or record a certain number of school days per year - at the end of the year, this can serve as your record book as well as a help for planning out the next year.

An individual day plan looks more like this.
TIP #2 MAKE ALL YOUR PLANS IN PENCIL
REALITY #2 PLANS CHANGE

I use a yellow highlighter to put a line through each item as we complete it. Notice not box is full. You do not have to do every subject every day. Also, we don't finish all the planned items on the day I plan them, so if we finish something the next day, I don't move it in the planner, I just highlight it whenever we finish it.

So, what to put on the plan?

I spend a lot of time really thinking about who each child is, what matters to them, what motivates them, what they want to learn about and how I can teach it to them while still having them learn the things I want them to learn.
For my high schoolers, I asked them this year to make a list of the classes they wish were offered at their school, classes they would take if they could. I'm using that list to direct my curriculum choices.

Some packaged curriculum come with an already laid out lesson plan, so I just transfer that to our daily chart. Most of them are at the very least designed to fit into an 18 week or 36 week plan, so it's just a matter of sitting down with the curriculum and sorting out what makes sense to do each day.

If you are creating your own curriculum then you will have to decide how to break down the work into daily bites. This is not difficult, but it does take more time. But, if you are developing your own curriculum, then you are already investing a big chunk of time. I've done both over the years, and I prefer to write my own for some subjects, and prefer a canned curriculum for others - it depends on you and your child.


TIP #3 RELY ON YOUR OLDER CHILDREN TO BE INDEPENDENT AND HELPFUL
REALITY #3 SOMETIMES THEY ARE SICK AND/OR GRUMPY TOO OR PROCRASTINATORS OR WELL, JUST HUMAN...

In real use, I pull out this binder every day and it helps keep us focused.
If I'm sick, or away from home, or taking a child to the doctor or nursing the baby, an older child can open the binder and know what to do and can help younger children to know what to do.

As the year progresses, we tend to get ahead in some subjects (you don't have to stop reading just because your lesson plan says that you've done one day of work - you just mark off what you accomplish), and you'll fall behind in others. That makes using the binder a little more challenging for a child.

I keep bookmarks at the spots where we are in each subject and move the bookmarks as we go along. I use sticky notes so they don't get accidentally moved.

TIP #4 MAKE LISTS
REALITY #4 SOME CHILDREN WILL IGNORE THEIR LIST IF YOU DON'T HOUND THEM

To keep the day running smoothly, it usually helps to start with everyone at the dining room table. I begin with math, since most of them can work on practice problems or reading their next lesson in their books on their own while I work with them one at a time. I check their previous work, and write down their next assignment.
Then, we do Grammar. As I work with each individual child, the others start on their math assignments.

I work through each subject this way, reviewing material, answering questions and writing down the next assignment. 

When all goes well, each child has an assignment sheet to work through in just a couple of hours, allowing me to help children who need extra explanation, prepare "schoolwork" for the three year old, plan meals and it allows older, independent children to leave the table and go find quiet spaces to work.

When all goes sour, well then we sit at the table for awhile and still get some things done, but I don't have to try and make a judgement about how "good" of a day we had. This gives me an objective perspective on our year as a whole. I can look back over weeks and months, not just one bad day, and I can see what we've accomplished.

TIP #5 GIVE OLDER CHILDREN QUIET SPACES TO WORK
REALITY #5 SOME CHILDREN WILL STILL TRY TO WORK ON THE COUCH IN FRONT OF THE TV.

Our older children have tables in their room that they can use for studying. We also have a couple of small tables in our basement that can be used for younger children to do art projects and Playdoh or for older children to study at if necessary.

If they show that they are having trouble doing their work with the freedom to get their work done at their own pace, then I make them stay at the dining room table and work there. When they show a more diligent work ethic, they get their freedom back.

For especially difficult lessons, I will also ask older children to take the Littles to play with their toys so that I can work with one child alone who needs extra help.

TIP #6 DON'T LET THE LIST LIMIT YOU
REALITY #6 THERE ARE MANY THINGS THAT ARE EDUCATIONAL THAT YOU WON'T THINK TO INCLUDE IN YOUR LESSON PLANS

As fun and interesting things present themselves, go do them. Take time off of your schedule for swimming lessons, theater productions, hikes in the woods and whatever other things your family likes to do.

This year we discovered the Performing Arts Center in our area and their educational series. So, when we do those things, I pencil them into the lesson plans, or in the side margins if necessary. This year, we've added speech and essay contests, 4H projects, theater productions, drama club, youth group, swimming lessons and more to our original lesson plans.

How do I do it all? Here are some tips, but my answer is really by the grace of God go we.
So, don't forget to pray.

Talking to Girls in "How Can You Say That?" summary and book review

How Can You Say That? by Amy Lynch with Dr. Linda Ashford is a book about girls and talking, and talking to girls and listening to girls and understanding how girls use words to control their environment.

"[They] understand the power of saying things aloud to people who matter to them." (6) According to studies quoted, psychologists have found that high estrogen levels increase linguistic abilities - helping girls to remember exactly what you said, and come up with just the right word for the situation.

Our girls are exposed to language that is MEANER than it used to be, whether it's language they hear at school, on television, from the internet or on the street. (7) This makes it that much more important for us to really hear what our girls are saying, underneath the words themselves, as they hear and say things beyond the words themselves, such as tone, lilt, cadence, syntax, and pitch.

For example, girls know a fine line between interruptions and interjections. An unwelcome, off-topic comment is an interruption, but an on-topic, supportive comment is an interjection and is perceived as relating, not interrupting. This is why groups of girls carry on conversations apparently over the top of one another. "Researchers have found that girls are less likely than boys to end speaking by actually falling silent. Sometimes when girls have said all they want to say, they just start repeating themselves, and that's an invitation for us to begin speaking." (11)

After a chapter of academic support for the ideas proposed, the authors Lynch and Ashford go on to address specific areas of struggle in communicating with our growing girls. They ask parents to consider the following questions in the midst of conflict:

1. How can I bring some calmness to what is happening?
2. What can I do or say that will show her I'm listening?
3. What can I say that will validate her feelings, or at least not make things worse?
4. What can I say that will express my own feelings, and not make things worse?

Then, they continue to present chapter by chapter, answers to these questions as they apply to specific situations. Chapter 3 tackles picky eaters and more in 'body size and food issues'; Four helps parents take on the 'you embarrass me' statements; following chapters address competition, bedroom conditions, disobedience and disrespect, boys, boyfriends and sex, and household chores.

Overall, I learned some interesting things about how my teenage daughters and I communicate with each other and possibly even learned some insightful ideas about how she hears the things I say to her. But, while I was reading this in reference to girls who are 17 and 19 years old, the examples in the book are often much younger.

For example, what do you do when your fifth grader tells you she's "going with" a boy; or your sixth grader wants to go to a party; or a ten year old who can't leave the bathroom because she has to look 'just so' in school or suffer for her imperfections.

Homeschooling does have it's advantages. It's difficult for me to imagine girls so young in these situations, but Lynch and Ashford have research to back up the age-range for their examples - many of them come from real families who were actually in these situations.

I found their advice on some of these circumstances to be too liberal - not saying 'no' to a ten year old with a steady boyfriend, but instead encouraging her discovery of romance.The answers they offered seemed more appropriate for older girls, but I do recognize that young girls who attend public school are usually more worldly in their knowledge and experience than their homeschooled counterparts, making this book a relevant source for their target market.

Train Cake DIY How to make a simple train cake

With 8 kids, there's always a birthday coming up. We only do birthday parties on the 5th, 10th and 15th birthdays, but I try to make a special cake for every birthday.

It would seem like I would be pretty good at cake-making and decorating by now, but no.

So, I'm always looking for simple, cute cakes for birthdays. Here's an idea for a train theme that we just used for Noah's 7th birthday.

It starts with two dozen cupcakes.

Then, I laid them out in an oval track shape with a seven in the middle.

I sprayed the tops with whip cream - easier and faster than trying to frost them. Also, it's a January birthday, so the snow look fits with the theme.

Then, I laid Kit Kat "tracks" around the oval and on the center pieces.

Last, I laid the extra track pieces around the edges, added some decorations like trees, signs and train cars. Then, I presented it to the very pleased birthday boy.

Five Steps to a Clean Bedroom

I found a short list for cleaning kids rooms that I thought was great. I tweaked it to fit our family needs and have the following 5 STEPS to a clean room posted on my daughter's bedroom wall. She uses it nearly every day to help her keep her room tidy.

It's simple, fast and even little kids can do it.

So, here it is:


Step 1. Push everything off the bed onto the floor and make the bed. 

Making the bed can be as simple as laying a blanket over the top of it and calling it good. Military corners on sheets and all that is not what we're going for here. Just presentable.

Step 2. Put laundry on bed.

This might seem counter-intuitive since you just made the bed, but it might be the only clean spot in the room and this is about sorting the clothing, towels and such from the rest of the stuff on the floor. So, just make a big pile of everything that would be considered laundry on top of the bed.

Step 3. Put toys in bins/on shelves.

If your kids don't have this, get it. Bins don't have to be fancy or labeled, just bins. We do bins on book shelves or dresser drawers for special items. Again, this isn't an organizing adventure, so put away the label maker. This is simply getting everything they care about up and off the floor and into some kind of container for storage.

Step 4. Throw away trash/Vacuum floor.

There always seems to be garbage on the floor, even if we just vacuumed yesterday. But, if you don't have that issue, then you can just throw out any trash that might have found its way into the room, and call it good. I think running the vacuum over the center gives it a more finished look.

Step 5. Sort laundry.

Remember that pile of laundry on the bed? Now is the time to tackle that. Clean stuff gets put away, dirty stuff goes in the hamper. You, parent, can decide what 'put away' means. For some, it might just be throwing it all in a laundry basket, or shoving it in a drawer - we have labeled bins on shelves for this too, so all the shirts go in one, pants in another and so on. Dirty clothes go in a hamper, and older kids can take that hamper all the way to the laundry room if you want them too.


That's it. Done. Not perfect, but tidy and presentable.

Good enough.

Following Your Kid's Lead

I'm learning to follow my kids lead. They are creative and fun and smart and they have great ideas.

The 17 year old wants to be a Broadway star! Here's her Facebook page.
As her mom, and her guidance counselor it's my job over this next year to make sure that she builds a resume that will boost her chances of getting into the college of her choice and accepted into their musical theater program.

As a small private school, it is difficult to offer some of the things that might look good on that application. Things like drama club, band & orchestra, dance, choir, etc.
So, we are trying to be creative.

The 15 year old wants to work in computers. He's not sure what, but maybe building them, repairing them, etc. Also, hard to create a technical lab on our school's itty bitty budget.

The 9 year old wants to be famous on YouTube. He's convinced he can sit around playing Minecraft, recording himself talking about it and get paid for it. I would laugh, but there are people actually doing it, so who am I to tell him he can't?
But, neither of us has any idea how to begin.

So, as the first semester of our homeschool year is nearing it's close, I'm pondering the curriculum and lesson plans for semester #2. What can we do differently to help these children work toward their goals while still meeting my idea of "schoolwork"?

I'm following their lead.

We now have a family YouTube page.
It's called 8 Kids Playing, a perfect name for our little actors and actresses, musicians and gamers.

AND, the kids are working on starting a newsletter. THE JOHNSON JOURNAL!

They are learning writing, business planning, and computer skills all at the same time. But, the part I like the best is the TEAMWORK because it was all their idea.

Pithy Signs Don't Make You Cool

It seems like everywhere I go lately, every store, every home, everywhere there are these wall hangings with clever, sweet and pithy little sayings like,

Last night, my husband and I were out and we saw one that said this:

In our home, we

Live Joyfully... Sometimes, but not always. Read this, and you'll know sometimes I'm really sad.

Laugh Abundantly... Sometimes we do laugh so hard it hurts. But, what does abundantly mean? 

Sometimes, we don't laugh at all. Sometimes, we yell and call names. Sometimes, we are mean.

Give Generously... That sounds nice. Wouldn't it be nice if we did that?

Love Affectionately...

Care Deeply...

Listen Carefully...

Smile Spontaneously...

Yes, let's do those things. 

Pray faithfully...

Forgive Freely... Yes, let's do these things too. I want us to do these things.

Play Adventurously... This one. This one, my boys have it down. They know how to play adventurously. But, it's okay. I'm not afraid of the E.R. Been there. Done that.

Hug Tightly... This one. I'm really good at this one. I can give Squishes ALL DAY.

But, I look at this list. This wall hanging that I keep seeing everywhere I go, and I wonder.

If I buy it and hang it on the wall, will that make it true?

No. It won't.

I didn't buy it. I'll probably never buy it. 

But, then I saw another sign and it gave me an idea. We don't have an Elf on the Shelf to do silly things or give our kids little gifts, and we don't pretend that a fat man in a red suit is bringing them stuff either. 

But, they do have a generous Dad and a silly mama. So, this morning, while they were all sleeping, I made them a sign. One we can all do. It's on the wall in my kitchen. 

It looks like this:

This.

I'm pretty sure we can accomplish this.

We are going to be amazing today.

And, maybe we'll even be amazing every day.

Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit by Teri Maxwell book review

I thought this was a really good read. 

First, It’s short; you could probably finish it in the doctor’s waiting room. This is great for the busy mom.

She does speak to the important job of the homeschooling mom in her preface, “There isn’t a more determined, dedicated set of women in the entire world! You have chosen an unpopular, difficult path that comes with little outside encouragement. Yet, you have set your face on obedience to the Lord and what you know is best for your children no matter what it costs your personally!”(9)

But, she has some good, honest insight into the heart and mind of a mom, not just those that homeschool. She speaks to our inclination to dwell in states of worry, anger, fear, anxiety and frustration. I think many moms would appreciate this text.

She encourages all those who are seeking Christ in their vocation, when she writes “…when Jesus Christ calls one to a task, He can also give the enthusiasm to go with it.” (13)

She encourages moms to recognize sin and call it what it is, confess and receive absolution. Perhaps my favorite quote from this book is  “Godly sorrow truly grieves over sin, confesses and repents of it. Then godly sorrow puts a smile on its face and walks in the joy of ‘no condemnation’!” (52)

What a beautiful thing forgiveness is.

Maxwell puts this in opposition to the idea of worldly sorrow, such as “…disappointment in your spirit that the reality of homeschooling didn’t match the ideal.” (16) 

These words spoke to me as I considered my moments of despair most often come from a feeling of failure that is directly related to my own high expectations not being met, which then leads me to feel that I have failed in some way to achieve the perfection that I had perceived possible. The root of this is my own PRIDE.

She says this well, “When negative emotions come over me, it is usually because I am thinking about myself.” (109)

This is not an advice book, or homeschooling book with curriculum suggestions, but simply a book that shares her personal journey in the search of contentment. It is hard work that we do as moms, and homeschooling adds to that work load, but we can, with the help of God, be content in the work that we do.

You can get a copy of Homeschooling With a Meek and Mild Spirit here.

Please Don't Take My Kids Away

I'm afraid of the CPS worker... afraid they'll show up at my door and take my kids away. You could tell me that I'm crazy, but I already know.
I keep seeing articles about families being investigated for education neglect just because they homeschool, or for letting their children play at the park. I wonder some times what my mom was thinking because when I remember walking alone to the beach.

Yes.

The beach.

Three blocks from my house.

The beach; with all of Lake Michigan just sitting there waiting for me to drown in it, a no barriers or hand rails break wall to run on and fall off of into the rocks and drown, AND a gigantic slide with no side rails that I could  (and actually did once) fall from the top of.

I walked there, crossing streets, all three blocks.

I was five.

FIVE YEARS OLD!

But, I digress, because honestly I'm way more paranoid than that and I would never let my five year go the beach alone, even though I did. Isn't that weird? What is so different now?

It's fear.

I'm afraid of what might happen to him and I'm afraid that someone would call the police and I would be dealing with over zealous social workers for THE. REST. OF. MY. LIFE.

Or worse.

My children would just be gone. Forever.

But, like I said, I'm not sending my five year old alone to the beach, so what am I afraid of?

Well, first, they might see my eight year old riding a Go-Cart 40mph down the middle of the road on the steep hill by our house,

or they might see that same kid jumping from the top of a tree or trying to climb freestyle up the rocky side of the church next door,

or they might see my two year old sitting under the dining room table with a blanket and a box of cereal, eating out of the box and not having even one single bite of dinner.

Or they might have seen what my laundry room looked like before I cleaned it out and took two full trash bags out of that mess.

Or they might see my twelve year old falling all over the pavement trying to do tricks on his new skateboard without a helmet.

Or they might just say, 8 KIDS!? That's too many.

Or maybe one day they'll be walking down the sidewalk in front of our house and they'll hear what I hear when I stand outside hanging towels on the line.

SCREAMING!

Even when they are having fun and playing happily, they are LOUD. Loud enough that I can hear them through the walls with the windows closed. It's even worse when the windows are open.

Then, I realize that if you add in my voice and my husband's voice, it's probably doubly loud. And, that's when I start thinking... someone is going to walk by this house and they are going to call someone and say something is going on in that house. And then I start to wonder where I can hide my kids, but there's no where to hide because we are so stinkin' loud that people can hear us through the walls.

How Children Fail, a book review

Some of us thrive on competition and approval. I did well in school when there was a prize at the end. But, learning simply for the joy of knowing? I lost that somewhere around second grade, when knowledge wasn't enough of a prize by itself. I didn't get it back until well into adulthood. Even now, when I take a class my mind retreat to How Do I Get An A? approach to learning. It's what I know, and it has been well-integrated into my publicly educated mind.

But, when I'm free from rewards and punishments, I learn much more and I learn it much faster. What motivates me?

Reading "How Children Fail" by John Holt as my January book to review made me consider these things.

We all fear failure in some way, and we all have learned by adulthood techniques for protecting ourselves from it. 

Some of us take the tactic of simply not trying. Holt says, "You can't fall out of bed if you sleep on the floor." Children who are used to missing the mark learn to expect failure and to set themselves up so that they (and their teachers) won't be disappointed.
I have a child who does this; I can see him tense up at the sight of new material because he is terrified that he will have to face failure if he attempts something new. That is my fault. I've been teaching him the way I was taught in school, but what worked for me doesn't work for him.

Some children are so concerned with getting to the right answer that they miss entirely the instructions they are supposed to be following (these kids love multiple choice questions, and they test well in this format, but not necessarily because they understand the questions). 

I have a student like this as well, and I see now that it is the result of my teaching her the way I was taught instead of the way she needs to know.

Some children refuse to admit what they don't know. They are so afraid of being wrong that they won't tell the teacher when they don't understand something. Holt says that information that goes by without understanding is like leaving something at the Howard Johnsons (that was the '50's, so maybe now we would say it's like leaving something at McDonalds). Eventually, you have to go back for it, so the sooner you go back and get it the better.

For years now, I've been plugging along, teaching the way I was taught, and I feel like Holt when he says, "the valiant and resolute band of travelers I thought I was leading towards a much-hoped-for destination turned out instead to be more like convicts in a chain gang..."

If they only knew how wonderful it would be to have the knowledge that I offer them, wouldn't they want to learn it as badly as I want them to? Probably not, but even if they did that doesn't mean that they want me to tell them how to learn it.

After watching my 15 month old learn to walk, I understand something else Holt explains in his book. She gets up and tries again because she is not afraid of failure. She does not see her falls as failure, she just knows something went wrong so she tries again.

This is what children do when left on their own. No one taught her how to walk. This is the joy of discovery. The night this video was taken, she took 28 steps in a row unassisted. She did not learn to walk at 9 months or even at a year, but she does not know that she walked later than her peers, and she doesn't care.

She is discovering the joy of learning something simply for the pleasure of knowing it.

There is good reason that John Holt is known as the father of unschooling; his words ring true to many of us who have been schooled.

This book, How Children Fail, I highly recommend to every parent and teacher and to anyone who has ever been a student.

Parenting from my Armchair: Baby v. Vacuum

I settle down for a relaxing evening with my husband after all the kids are asleep. I’m all snuggled into my armchair and ready to watch a good story on the television. We choose from over 120 items we have saved on our DVR (because we want to do this more often than we actually get to do this).

Just when the story is getting so good I’m barely eating my popcorn, it suddenly stops and a message appears on the screen. It says, ‘Your Playback Has Ended’ which translated really means:

“Your kid’s been messing with me!”

Parent’s night in has once again been foiled by our genius one-year-old who has a knack for knowing how to push just the right buttons on the DVR to cause our favorite shows to stop recording at pivotal plot points.

The next morning I see her butt-scooting across the floor, with toys in both hands, pretending to play with them while getting gradually closer to the DVR.

From my armchair I say, “No.”

She looks my way with her mischievous grin and scoots a little closer. She even points to it and babbles a few words. They sound like,

“Try and stop me.”

I give her my best motherly, “Don’t you dare” stare. This only seems to make her more determined as she drops the toys and heads for the machine in a full out speed-crawl.

She’s challenged me to a race and I take the bait. I lunge from my armchair to stop her hand, but I arrive too late. The buttons have been pushed and I don’t know how to undo it. I won’t know what damage has been done to my favorite television characters until it is too late. I could cry, but I don’t.

I have tried every tactic I know, but she won’t bend her will, so I am forced to bring out the secret weapon.

It stands about four feet tall and has a stylish purple handle. The one-year-old pauses her plans for television domination and watches me unravel the power cord. Just as my finger nears the red power button, her eyes defy me with a “You wouldn’t” glare.

“I would” my eyes reply.

She tests my resolve and while her eyes never leave mine, she reaches for the DVR. Her finger reaches the button just as mine does. Suddenly, the loud whirr of the vacuum causes her arm to recoil and now I have her undivided attention.

I push the purple handled whirring machine toward her and she zooms to the other side of the room. I continue sweeping the carpet, pretending I don’t notice her, except when she moves toward the DVR, I turn the vacuum back toward her.

Soon, she is sitting in a corner gripping her soft-edged Pooh blanket and her eyes pleadingly say,

“Make it stop.”

So, I do.

But, I let the vacuum sit out for now, so I can return to parenting from my armchair. When she points to the DVR, I point to the vacuum, and I win. For now, the score is even.

****This is the first story in a series titled, "Armchair Parent"

Should Parents Be Embarrassing Their Children on The Internet? How Far is Too Far?

Can I use my children to promote my writing career? Is that crossing a line?

What if they are so funny, I just can't help myself?

My 15 year old is taking driver's training. First, she had to complete three weeks of classroom training, none of which actually teach anything about the actual act of driving a vehicle.

Then, she is supposed to go to six driving sessions, including riding along with another driver and behind the wheel time too.

The first scheduled behind the wheel session happened to fall on the same day as our first big snow storm. Even the instructor said he would have rescheduled if he had known how bad it was going to be.

So, that morning during Bible study, I asked for prayers for her.
I also may have jokingly said that she had never been behind the wheel of a car before and didn't even know the difference between the gas and the brake.

Well, those ladies couldn't let that go... they just had to tease her about that.

So, now I'm posting a blog about her reaction because I just can't help myself.
After being teased by the ladies at church, she came home and yelled at me, exclaiming the following:

"I DO SO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE GAS AND THE ACCELERATOR!"

It only took her about two seconds to realize what she had just said, but it took me another five minutes to stop laughing. Now, I'm sharing it with the world... have I gone too far?

I know one girl who thinks I have.

Fart is Air AKA Life with boys

Some days I think I could write a whole separate blog about life with boys... they do things my girls would NEVER do. Like the time they giggled all the way to play practice in the back seat, because they had discovered a new smell coming from the older boys armpits.

Today, for example, while I was teaching the 11 y.o. how to make spaghetti, the 4 y.o. stood in front of my 1y.o. daughter's high chair, sharing goldfish crackers and tantalizing conversation.

Soon, I heard his little voice explaining vital biology.

It went something like this:

"I have a butt crack, you have a butt crack..." at which point, I said...

"That's not nice talk." And, he said...

"But, everyone has a butt crack." At this point, I decided to let it go, and he happily moved on to less bathroom oriented conversation.

In an entirely different conversation, immediately after this, my 7 y.o. came in and asked to help with lunch. I said he could stir the fruit salad.

Boy: "Why are there bubbles?"

Mom: "When you stir, it makes air bubbles?"

Boy: "Oh. Fart is Air!"

Mom: "Um."

Boy: "When I fart in the bathtub, it makes bubbles. So, fart is air."

Mom: "Well, yes, it is air from your intestines."

Boy: (yelling very excitedly to 11 y.o.) "Hey, Ethan! FART IS AIR!!"

Mom quietly stirs spaghetti sauce and ponders the conversations that will occur in the next few decades of life with boys.

Why I Care Where You Go To Church

I like people. I mean genuinely like them, and encourage my children to interact, greet and engage in friendly conversation with all people.

But, when one of my children expresses delight in a new found friend, my first question is usually "Where do you go to church?"

My oldest finds this annoying. So, I tried to explain to her why it matters.

I care about the people who will be my children's friends and loved ones. I care about their earthly life and their salvation. But, even more so, I care about how they will walk alongside my child.

If you don't go to church at all, then I have to wonder where you will learn forgiveness? I mean the kind of forgiveness that can overcome all misunderstandings, and erase all sins. The kind of forgiveness that keeps a marriage or a friendship together until death. The forgiveness that can only come from Christ Jesus that not only forgives the transgression but remembers it no more.

If you don't know that forgiveness, then how will your relationship with your friend, my child, manage when one of you sins against the other? It will happen. I want to know what you will do about it.

If you do go to church, I want to know where. Did you know there are now atheist churches? The word church doesn't mean what it used to and I want to know what it means to you, my child's friend.

Who do you think God is?
Who do you think Jesus is?

I want to know when my children are in trouble, and their father and I cannot be there, who will walk beside them. What kind of advice will you give? Will you pray with my child in times of need? Who will you be praying to?
Will you read and study and cherish God's Word and encourage your friend, my child, to do the same?

I want to know.

If you go to a church that is nominally Christian, but practices irreverence, will you have enough respect for God to seek out His Word and follow it? Or will you encourage your friend, my child to disrespect God, family and the traditions we hold dear?

My children love people, and they will be listening to what you say, and they will be watching what you do. When you become friends with my child, I'm going to ask you "Where do you go to church?"

Even Mom Can't Read This Math Book

Awhile back someone asked me what the difference is between a Christian textbook and a secular textbook. "I mean how do you make Math Christian?"

Isn't the standard the same? Especially with Common Core, everyone should be learning the same thing, right?

People seem to recognize that Science would be different if provided by a Christian publisher since it would emphasize Creation and teach the Theory of Evolution, whereas a secular Science text would ignore or disregard Creation altogether and teach Evolution as fact. People generally seem to understand why we would purchase Christian Science materials and not be happy to use the same materials as the public school system.

But, with Math? Why does it matter if the publisher is Christian?

Well, the biggest difference that I've noticed is that Christian publishers tend to have problems such as this:
"The Matthews family gives a tithe of $200 every month to the church. They also give $50 to missionaries and $25 to help a young man go to a Christian college. What is the total amount of their gifts?"
(BJUP, Math 5)

Pretty straight forward question. It certainly includes a Christian bent, but it is also easy to read and understand.

This year we are using secular math materials with our older children (Grade 5 and up). I'm using Spectrum, which advertises right on the front of their workbooks "meets common core standards".

Last week, my fifth grader came to me with a math question he could not understand. Generally, this child is excellent at math, and works independently. So, when he didn't understand the question, I was concerned.

It started out like this, "Danielle, Tamequa, ..." He was stuck on this second word. It wasn't like any he'd ever seen before.
The sentence continued, "Danielle, Tamequa, Rashawn, and Joaquin are in Mrs. Thompson's fifth-grade class." By Joaquin, my boy was completely confused.

I tried to explain that these are children's names, even though we've never heard them before. Then, he asked me the question that knocked my argument out of the water.
"If these are names, how do you pronounce them?" Out of respect for the parents who choose these names, I didn't even try.

I understand being politically correct, and I understand wanting to include all sorts of people groups in the representation of story problems. What I don't understand how they expect the average fifth grader to read this.

Go ahead and use hard to pronounce and phonetically awkward but unique and interesting names in literature, but isn't the mixture of numbers, letters and symbols in Algebra confusing enough without giving the poor kid story problems he can't even read.

That's one Bad Kat

It is November 1st and NaNoWriMo has officially begun at our house. We didn't stay up and start at midnight, although I was tempted to. But, we went to chapel, completed our morning chores, finished our math and history, and then warmed up leftover lasagna for lunch and we are getting started on our family Novel Writing project.

I am using a text called Written & Illustrated by...

The first step is to create a publishing company. Now, this is easier than you might think because children are good at brainstorming.

However, it is also quite difficult for the following reasons:

1. Boys like to come up with names that are offensive. One suggestion for our publishing company was "Books of Poop" I used my ultimate authority to rule that one out even though it got a majority vote.

2. Many names that seem like a good idea, like "Johnson Publishing House" from our last name, are already taken. We did not want to misrepresent ourselves by using the name of an already existing publishing company.

3. Getting five kids to agree on a name unanimously is just plain challenging.

But, it's just past noon and we have done it... We have named our publishing company.
So, may I present.... (drumroll please) the publishing company created by the Johnson family for the sole purpose of publishing our own written and illustrated creations...

Bad Kat Publishing Co.

Being the Memory Maker

Photo taken at Heartwood Resort. 

I don't get out much. I like being at home. But, when I leave home, I like to go somewhere with a view.

I've been called "culturally illiterate", and it's probably true. I don't read the paper or watch the news or spend time keeping up with the latest entertainers. I don't know what movie stars are having babies or who their baby daddy is and I didn't watch last nights game. I don't keep up and I generally just don't care that much.

I often feel like Temperance Brennan on Bones when someone makes a cultural reference and she replies with a matter of fact

"I don't know what that means."

But, I'm just busy caring about and thinking about other things, and time feels short. Maybe it's because I'm getting older...
A young mom asked me the other day, "How do you know all these stories?"
I laughed, but after thinking it over, I realized that I have just lived. I listen to people talk, I watch their lives go by and I remember. I've had a lot of experiences, so I have a lot of stories to tell.

I have memories.

Not all of my memories are good. Some are horrible, and tragic. Some bring me to tears. Some memories send me to my room to hide under a blanket and wish I never had to come out. Some of them are just that bad.

But, I am made up of memories. My fears and joys, my hopes and dreams are often built upon these memories.

I know that my kids will have a lifetime of them, how ever long that life will be. So, today, instead of keeping up with the Who-nots in Hollywood or watching the ball players in the stadium, I am going to be a memory maker. I'm going to do my best to sprinkle in some really good ones, the kind that make you smile, and even cry tears of joy just to think of them.