Life as a Vicar's Wife, Week 3

So, yesterday was Don's first official day as the Vicar. We've been in town for three weeks, but Sunday we said goodbye to the previous Vicar, and Don began to move books into his office on Monday morning. It is a bittersweet experience for the congregation, I'm sure.

They love their Vicars. I can tell by how well they have cared for the property and home that they provide for us. But, to say goodbye to one and hello to another... and to do it again and again, every year. This takes a strong and committed congregation. I am proud of those who continue to do this. I had never consider how challenging this is for them until we had been here a couple of weeks, getting to know the people and the congregation, and then watching them say goodbye to their beloved Vicar.

I can only hope that we too become someone that they love and cherish and are sad to say goodbye to. I already feel the sadness of knowing that the goodbyes will come.

There is no hope of building a future here (I know that Vicars sometimes to get called back, but that is very rare, and won't happen for most). The truth is, it's hard to leave the house. It's hard to muster up the courage and motivation to go out and experience life here.

I'm not afraid of anything bad happening. In fact, just the opposite is true. I'm terrified that it will be great! So great that I will be heartbroken when it inevitably has to end. So, I find that I am protecting myself emotionally, by simply staying home.

This is completely out of character for me. I am a joiner and a doer, and always involved in something. But, now, I wonder, what is the value of participating? I know that I will have to leave soon, probably just about the time that I really get to know people and get the hang of things. Or worse, I'll spend a year trying to get involved and just when I find someone or something that I really care about, before I even get to enjoy it, it will be over.

Do you think like this?
I know it isn't logical, and it isn't they way God made me to be.
But, here I am.

So, I've said yes to a dinner invitation. I've said yes to teaching Sunday School. I've said yes to joining, to participating... even though I'm terrified, and I'll tell you why.

Just two years ago, when we started at Seminary, I felt the same way. But, gradually, I joined, I signed up, I participated, and soon we made friends, found a place to belong, and fell in love with life in Fort Wayne. And, before we knew it, the time came, as we knew it would; the time came to move on.
We packed up everything we owned, for the third time in three years, and we said goodbye to all our friends. People we'd only known for that short time, were knocking on our door, organizing our truck, cleaning our house, making us lunch... laughing and crying with us.

It wasn't easy.
My heart still aches just thinking about it.
But, we survived.
And, we'll survive the move next year, and the one after that, and then...

God willing, we'll never have to say goodbye again.

I started this post when I was unpacking and found this book in my collection "I'm more than just a Pastor's Wife" by Lorna Dobson
I thought I would write about loneliness and feeling like a stranger here, but when I think about it, I know that it really is just fear of the unknown; fear of being vulnerable, and fear of being rejected that stops us from moving forward.

So, wherever you are in your journey, I encourage you to move forward into the great unknown and try it out. Something great awaits.