Pancakes and Pajamas, typical homeschoolers

One of the great advantages of homeschooling is the freedom!

Freedom to still be wearing Minecraft pajamas in the middle of the day and have no one teasing you about it.

Freedom to make pancakes for lunch, because you have as much time as you need and no one ringing a bell to alert you that your lunch is over.

Sports Night Crock Pot Lasagna

Cheap and Easy - that's not an ad, that's what I want my meals to be... well, let's be honest, I would like lots of things to be cheap and easy, but this recipe actually is.

I call it a Sports Night recipe because that is usually when we usually need a convenient meal. It has to be yummy and filling enough to stop me from running through the drive thru after practice.

This lasagna needs the following ingredients (this feeds 2 adults, 3 teens, and 4 kids):
2 lbs cooked ground beef
2 lbs lasagna noodles
3 cans/jars of pasta sauce (2 quarts will work if you can your own)
1 can diced tomatoes
2 lbs cheese (mozzarella is the staple, but whatever you like will work)
some spices to your preference (I use oregano and basil)

I prep this about 11am while making lunch. Layer in crock the following:
Sauce, meat, noodles, cheese, noodles, sauce, tomatoes, meat, cheese, noodles, sauce, meat, cheese. Add spices to layers of sauce as you go.

I leave on high from lunchtime until about 2:30, then turn to keep warm. Kids can meander in from school and eat right away, athletes can get a hardy carb and protein meal before practice or the night before a big game, Dad can eat when he comes in from work, and Mom will, of course, taste test throughout the day to make sure it is just right.

Tip: make sure all noodles are covered with sauce, exposed noodles will not soften

If you have time and inclination, a simple garlic loaf goes well with this dish.

Expert Parenting Advice From Me To You

When I read parenting blogs or advice columns, I often wonder about the qualifications of said advice giver.

Does she have one perfectly docile and complacent child? My first was kind of like that.

Does she have a toddler who eats everything, climbs everything, unlocks everything, and is somehow both stronger and faster than her? I've had a couple of those. Did she survive those years? I have to know.

Every summer at camp, the kids get a group shot of the whole crowd of them. 

I had two kids at camp the same week this summer. Both of them are in this cut out of the group. One is the smiling boy in the blue Thrivent shirt. The other is the grouchy (part of me wants to say creepy looking) kid in the red hat hiding his face in the upper right corner. See him now? 

This is a great example of their personality differences. One is bubbly and smiling and full of drama who loves to follow the crowd. The other is a quiet, deep thinker who prefers to walk against the tide just to see how far he can.

One of them leaves a mess and wanders off. The other likes to keep his things neat. One likes loud music, the other likes to make his own. 

They share a room. The peace treaty is often violated between these two.

I've been doing this parenting thing for more than 20 years. I'm a mother in law and a nursing mom at the same time. I've researched scholarships while in labor. I've run the spectrum of parenting experiences and here's what I know: very little.

The longer I do this parenting gig, the more I realize how much I don't know. So, moms, take it from an expert, I believe you are doing the best you can in your experience, your circumstances and with what you know. So, keep reading those blogs and articles, but remember this: anyone who claims to have all the answers to your parenting questions hasn't really been in the parenting trenches yet.

SuperMom completes craft, saves world

To my crafty friends, how do you get anything else done?

This took half the day, first, read instructions, think about supply list, try to remember what I have/need to get and where these things are. (I did all of that the night before)

 Then, gather supplies, teach kid how to trace, how to cut, get impatient three hours later and finish cutting them for her.

Assemble flowers, wait 20 minutes for her to find her hairbrush, put up hair, realize you did a twist backwards, argue with kid about starting over, give in and leave it.

Finish braiding, attach flowers to hair pins, and place in hair. Get pictures quick because you know this is not going to last.

Pour a refreshing drink as she bounces off with her "I'm a princess hair and attitude" Sit down to enjoy said drink. Spit out first sip when you hear screams from the child's bedroom.

A flower fell out. Of course.

Try about three dozen times over the next hour to make them stay in, explaining to your daughter that it is impoosible to have beautiful hair AND do gymnastics on your bed.

Regret these words when child says, "Fine. I'll just throw the flowers away then."

Talk child out of throwing away a whole day of hard work, and save them in the box of other random pretty things her heart can't let go of.

Send her off to play, apocalypse averted for another day. Collapse from exhaustion and silently swear to throw away every kids magazine with a craft project in it.

But, hey, at least I get to keep this cool picture.

The right way to handle the stomach flu in a big family

After two decades of parenting and a few bouts with illness, I've finally discovered the best way to handle sickness in our family.

First, a tip: this last time our family was ill, I had just done a full day of deep cleaning. The next morning, I had a vomiting child. So, first of all, Moms - you must simply NEVER do too much deep cleaning. I think it stirs up something. Although, if you're going to have children sticking their head in the toilet, it might as well be clean.

Once the sickness begins, here's how you need to handle it:
1. The first one down should be a child, but one of the bigger children, preferably a responsible teenager who can make it to the bathroom, leave as little mess as possible, generally clean up after himself and give you some warning that the rest are coming.

2. Next, all the Littles should be sick at once. There is something lovely about having all the small children lay on the floor on top of a blanket with there little puke buckets (remember, you were warned it was coming) while Mommy nurses the baby and reads Bennet's book of Children's Virtues.

3.Now, it is best if Mom is generally unaffected by the illness itself. She will, of course, be nauseated by all the vomiting and diarrhea that is happening around her, but she really cannot afford to come down with an actual illness herself. If she is tired and happens to throw up once or twice, it's really just a side effect of caring for all the others.

4. This is the time to have those older children who have not yet gotten sick catching up on schoolwork and chores and helping keep things under control. Dad should get to the store for supplies - it's okay if he doesn't usually do the shopping - he's more likely to overbuy than underbuy, and at this point, you want all the help you can get. He should also pick himself up something for dinner because he'll still have his appetite, but cleaning up vomit and cooking just should not go together.

5. The other bigger children and Dad can get sick when all the Littles are done with the grossest symptoms and have moved on to lethargy. This way, Mom can take care of them (with the help of that responsible teenager who got sick at first and is now feeling much better), while the Littles are generally content to lay around with books, or even watch TV. Families - if you never let your children watch television or sit with their face glued to a Kindle - NOW is the time to just let it happen.

5. Lastly, I highly recommend picking up a bug with a short life span. Those 24-hour ones are probably the best bet. That way, with this method, you can have the whole thing out of the house and everyone recovering in about 72 hours. This is so much better than the method where one child gets sick, gets better, then another gets sick, slowly passing the crud through the family, one by one, for weeks at a time, always wondering who will be next.

On one last note, if your husband happens to be a Pastor, I would suggest not scheduling this ordeal on Ash Wednesday or any other major feast day. Otherwise, you're welcome, because at least now you know that even if you can't control the illness that attacks your family, you can come out the other side with a sense of humor.

Homeshooling How We Do It

Welcome to homeschooling, year 14. As this year comes to a close and I start to face year 15, I noticed a theme that seems to keep repeating year after year. Perhaps you've noticed it in your house too.

We are ready to be done, physically and mentally, but not academically.

So, about this time of year, I start thinking about how to make next year better.

7 of the 8 children are still here in the house, and still need my time and attention daily. This year I taught 11th grade, 9th, 7th, 3rd and 1st grade all at once, with a three year old who likes to yell at me

"MOM, WHERE'S MY SCHOOLWORK!"

and a one year old who until recently was still nursing.

I often hear this question: "HOW DO YOU DO IT?" and almost always, the person asking is either not a homeschooler and completely clueless, and there is no answer that I can give them, OR the person is a homeschooling mom who is really asking, "HOW CAN I DO IT?"

So, I'm going to try to help answer both of those questions, without too much snark, and try to keep it real.

TIP #1 MAKE LESSON PLANS AND LISTS
REALITY #1 YOU WILL PROBABLY ALWAYS BE BEHIND SCHEDULE

After trying all sorts of things, I've learned that for my personality, I need to spend the summer researching curriculum and developing lesson plans. I have publishers I like Veritas Press and I usually start with their recommendations and tailor it to each child (I'll talk about that next). I use a grid from Sonlight to plan out our daily lessons or goals.

The first page always looks something like this ALL IN PENCIL with subjects along the side column and children's names at the top. It's a worksheet, a place for me to plan out what I hope to accomplish over the course of the year.

Then, I create a page for each day (Monday - Friday for 36 weeks) - this is important for those of you who have to report attendance or record a certain number of school days per year - at the end of the year, this can serve as your record book as well as a help for planning out the next year.

An individual day plan looks more like this.
TIP #2 MAKE ALL YOUR PLANS IN PENCIL
REALITY #2 PLANS CHANGE

I use a yellow highlighter to put a line through each item as we complete it. Notice not box is full. You do not have to do every subject every day. Also, we don't finish all the planned items on the day I plan them, so if we finish something the next day, I don't move it in the planner, I just highlight it whenever we finish it.

So, what to put on the plan?

I spend a lot of time really thinking about who each child is, what matters to them, what motivates them, what they want to learn about and how I can teach it to them while still having them learn the things I want them to learn.
For my high schoolers, I asked them this year to make a list of the classes they wish were offered at their school, classes they would take if they could. I'm using that list to direct my curriculum choices.

Some packaged curriculum come with an already laid out lesson plan, so I just transfer that to our daily chart. Most of them are at the very least designed to fit into an 18 week or 36 week plan, so it's just a matter of sitting down with the curriculum and sorting out what makes sense to do each day.

If you are creating your own curriculum then you will have to decide how to break down the work into daily bites. This is not difficult, but it does take more time. But, if you are developing your own curriculum, then you are already investing a big chunk of time. I've done both over the years, and I prefer to write my own for some subjects, and prefer a canned curriculum for others - it depends on you and your child.


TIP #3 RELY ON YOUR OLDER CHILDREN TO BE INDEPENDENT AND HELPFUL
REALITY #3 SOMETIMES THEY ARE SICK AND/OR GRUMPY TOO OR PROCRASTINATORS OR WELL, JUST HUMAN...

In real use, I pull out this binder every day and it helps keep us focused.
If I'm sick, or away from home, or taking a child to the doctor or nursing the baby, an older child can open the binder and know what to do and can help younger children to know what to do.

As the year progresses, we tend to get ahead in some subjects (you don't have to stop reading just because your lesson plan says that you've done one day of work - you just mark off what you accomplish), and you'll fall behind in others. That makes using the binder a little more challenging for a child.

I keep bookmarks at the spots where we are in each subject and move the bookmarks as we go along. I use sticky notes so they don't get accidentally moved.

TIP #4 MAKE LISTS
REALITY #4 SOME CHILDREN WILL IGNORE THEIR LIST IF YOU DON'T HOUND THEM

To keep the day running smoothly, it usually helps to start with everyone at the dining room table. I begin with math, since most of them can work on practice problems or reading their next lesson in their books on their own while I work with them one at a time. I check their previous work, and write down their next assignment.
Then, we do Grammar. As I work with each individual child, the others start on their math assignments.

I work through each subject this way, reviewing material, answering questions and writing down the next assignment. 

When all goes well, each child has an assignment sheet to work through in just a couple of hours, allowing me to help children who need extra explanation, prepare "schoolwork" for the three year old, plan meals and it allows older, independent children to leave the table and go find quiet spaces to work.

When all goes sour, well then we sit at the table for awhile and still get some things done, but I don't have to try and make a judgement about how "good" of a day we had. This gives me an objective perspective on our year as a whole. I can look back over weeks and months, not just one bad day, and I can see what we've accomplished.

TIP #5 GIVE OLDER CHILDREN QUIET SPACES TO WORK
REALITY #5 SOME CHILDREN WILL STILL TRY TO WORK ON THE COUCH IN FRONT OF THE TV.

Our older children have tables in their room that they can use for studying. We also have a couple of small tables in our basement that can be used for younger children to do art projects and Playdoh or for older children to study at if necessary.

If they show that they are having trouble doing their work with the freedom to get their work done at their own pace, then I make them stay at the dining room table and work there. When they show a more diligent work ethic, they get their freedom back.

For especially difficult lessons, I will also ask older children to take the Littles to play with their toys so that I can work with one child alone who needs extra help.

TIP #6 DON'T LET THE LIST LIMIT YOU
REALITY #6 THERE ARE MANY THINGS THAT ARE EDUCATIONAL THAT YOU WON'T THINK TO INCLUDE IN YOUR LESSON PLANS

As fun and interesting things present themselves, go do them. Take time off of your schedule for swimming lessons, theater productions, hikes in the woods and whatever other things your family likes to do.

This year we discovered the Performing Arts Center in our area and their educational series. So, when we do those things, I pencil them into the lesson plans, or in the side margins if necessary. This year, we've added speech and essay contests, 4H projects, theater productions, drama club, youth group, swimming lessons and more to our original lesson plans.

How do I do it all? Here are some tips, but my answer is really by the grace of God go we.
So, don't forget to pray.

Talking to Girls in "How Can You Say That?" summary and book review

How Can You Say That? by Amy Lynch with Dr. Linda Ashford is a book about girls and talking, and talking to girls and listening to girls and understanding how girls use words to control their environment.

"[They] understand the power of saying things aloud to people who matter to them." (6) According to studies quoted, psychologists have found that high estrogen levels increase linguistic abilities - helping girls to remember exactly what you said, and come up with just the right word for the situation.

Our girls are exposed to language that is MEANER than it used to be, whether it's language they hear at school, on television, from the internet or on the street. (7) This makes it that much more important for us to really hear what our girls are saying, underneath the words themselves, as they hear and say things beyond the words themselves, such as tone, lilt, cadence, syntax, and pitch.

For example, girls know a fine line between interruptions and interjections. An unwelcome, off-topic comment is an interruption, but an on-topic, supportive comment is an interjection and is perceived as relating, not interrupting. This is why groups of girls carry on conversations apparently over the top of one another. "Researchers have found that girls are less likely than boys to end speaking by actually falling silent. Sometimes when girls have said all they want to say, they just start repeating themselves, and that's an invitation for us to begin speaking." (11)

After a chapter of academic support for the ideas proposed, the authors Lynch and Ashford go on to address specific areas of struggle in communicating with our growing girls. They ask parents to consider the following questions in the midst of conflict:

1. How can I bring some calmness to what is happening?
2. What can I do or say that will show her I'm listening?
3. What can I say that will validate her feelings, or at least not make things worse?
4. What can I say that will express my own feelings, and not make things worse?

Then, they continue to present chapter by chapter, answers to these questions as they apply to specific situations. Chapter 3 tackles picky eaters and more in 'body size and food issues'; Four helps parents take on the 'you embarrass me' statements; following chapters address competition, bedroom conditions, disobedience and disrespect, boys, boyfriends and sex, and household chores.

Overall, I learned some interesting things about how my teenage daughters and I communicate with each other and possibly even learned some insightful ideas about how she hears the things I say to her. But, while I was reading this in reference to girls who are 17 and 19 years old, the examples in the book are often much younger.

For example, what do you do when your fifth grader tells you she's "going with" a boy; or your sixth grader wants to go to a party; or a ten year old who can't leave the bathroom because she has to look 'just so' in school or suffer for her imperfections.

Homeschooling does have it's advantages. It's difficult for me to imagine girls so young in these situations, but Lynch and Ashford have research to back up the age-range for their examples - many of them come from real families who were actually in these situations.

I found their advice on some of these circumstances to be too liberal - not saying 'no' to a ten year old with a steady boyfriend, but instead encouraging her discovery of romance.The answers they offered seemed more appropriate for older girls, but I do recognize that young girls who attend public school are usually more worldly in their knowledge and experience than their homeschooled counterparts, making this book a relevant source for their target market.

Train Cake DIY How to make a simple train cake

With 8 kids, there's always a birthday coming up. We only do birthday parties on the 5th, 10th and 15th birthdays, but I try to make a special cake for every birthday.

It would seem like I would be pretty good at cake-making and decorating by now, but no.

So, I'm always looking for simple, cute cakes for birthdays. Here's an idea for a train theme that we just used for Noah's 7th birthday.

It starts with two dozen cupcakes.

Then, I laid them out in an oval track shape with a seven in the middle.

I sprayed the tops with whip cream - easier and faster than trying to frost them. Also, it's a January birthday, so the snow look fits with the theme.

Then, I laid Kit Kat "tracks" around the oval and on the center pieces.

Last, I laid the extra track pieces around the edges, added some decorations like trees, signs and train cars. Then, I presented it to the very pleased birthday boy.

Family stick figure auto decals on a budget

I have always loved the cute little sticker "stick" people on the backs of automobiles. I have read articles like this one about the dangers of these decals and the information that they might provide to criminals about my family. But, I still wanted them.

Over the past few years, I have looked for them in stores and searched them out on websites, but they are always 5-6 dollars per figure plus shipping and I could never quite decide which ones I liked the best. At that price, it seemed like such a permanent decision.

But, I kept wanting them.

So, for my Sunday afternoon relaxing creative activity I decided to make some.

Sketches

First, I made sketches of what I wanted the people to look like.

I traced one of the magnetic sheets (2 for $2.99 at Walmart in the craft section) onto a piece of printer paper, and fit the pencil drawings inside that space.

Then, I colored in my little people. My husband the pastor, and me with my Higher Things t-shirt, and my oldest daughter with pink hair. She doesn't actually have pink hair, but it goes well with her personality, so there it is.

 I used permanent markers that we already owned, so I didn't figure these into the cost, although you would if you were planning this activity for a group or if you don't already use giant packs of multi-colored permanent markers for a million other projects. (probably less than $20 for all sorts of colors and then they would have lots of ink left in them when you finished this small project)

Next, I cut out the rectangle.

Then, I peeled the backing off of the peel and stick magnet and laid the rectangle of paper on top of the sticky side.

I cut out a piece of laminate to fit over the paper.
This is important because I plan to stick these on
the outside of the van, so just paper would get wet
and the ink would run and they would not last.

DISCLAIMER: I've never done anything like this before, so it's all guesswork. 

I'm just hoping it works. A huge roll of laminate cost us $5.78 and I used about 6 inches of it. We bought it for another project and having it here is what actually gave me the idea to do this. But, if you were planning this activity for a group, you would need to calculate this cost also.

I smoothed out the laminate and then started cutting out each person.

But, then, I decided to cut out just the rectangle around the figures. This works for me because our van is white. I may change my mind later, but I think it will look okay and the greater surface area will help them stay put.

This was so easy and so much fun. I think I am going to pick up some more of the magnet sheet and make some "paper" dolls and other objects for my 3 year old to play with on the refrigerator.

Five Steps to a Clean Bedroom

I found a short list for cleaning kids rooms that I thought was great. I tweaked it to fit our family needs and have the following 5 STEPS to a clean room posted on my daughter's bedroom wall. She uses it nearly every day to help her keep her room tidy.

It's simple, fast and even little kids can do it.

So, here it is:


Step 1. Push everything off the bed onto the floor and make the bed. 

Making the bed can be as simple as laying a blanket over the top of it and calling it good. Military corners on sheets and all that is not what we're going for here. Just presentable.

Step 2. Put laundry on bed.

This might seem counter-intuitive since you just made the bed, but it might be the only clean spot in the room and this is about sorting the clothing, towels and such from the rest of the stuff on the floor. So, just make a big pile of everything that would be considered laundry on top of the bed.

Step 3. Put toys in bins/on shelves.

If your kids don't have this, get it. Bins don't have to be fancy or labeled, just bins. We do bins on book shelves or dresser drawers for special items. Again, this isn't an organizing adventure, so put away the label maker. This is simply getting everything they care about up and off the floor and into some kind of container for storage.

Step 4. Throw away trash/Vacuum floor.

There always seems to be garbage on the floor, even if we just vacuumed yesterday. But, if you don't have that issue, then you can just throw out any trash that might have found its way into the room, and call it good. I think running the vacuum over the center gives it a more finished look.

Step 5. Sort laundry.

Remember that pile of laundry on the bed? Now is the time to tackle that. Clean stuff gets put away, dirty stuff goes in the hamper. You, parent, can decide what 'put away' means. For some, it might just be throwing it all in a laundry basket, or shoving it in a drawer - we have labeled bins on shelves for this too, so all the shirts go in one, pants in another and so on. Dirty clothes go in a hamper, and older kids can take that hamper all the way to the laundry room if you want them too.


That's it. Done. Not perfect, but tidy and presentable.

Good enough.

Following Your Kid's Lead

I'm learning to follow my kids lead. They are creative and fun and smart and they have great ideas.

The 17 year old wants to be a Broadway star! Here's her Facebook page.
As her mom, and her guidance counselor it's my job over this next year to make sure that she builds a resume that will boost her chances of getting into the college of her choice and accepted into their musical theater program.

As a small private school, it is difficult to offer some of the things that might look good on that application. Things like drama club, band & orchestra, dance, choir, etc.
So, we are trying to be creative.

The 15 year old wants to work in computers. He's not sure what, but maybe building them, repairing them, etc. Also, hard to create a technical lab on our school's itty bitty budget.

The 9 year old wants to be famous on YouTube. He's convinced he can sit around playing Minecraft, recording himself talking about it and get paid for it. I would laugh, but there are people actually doing it, so who am I to tell him he can't?
But, neither of us has any idea how to begin.

So, as the first semester of our homeschool year is nearing it's close, I'm pondering the curriculum and lesson plans for semester #2. What can we do differently to help these children work toward their goals while still meeting my idea of "schoolwork"?

I'm following their lead.

We now have a family YouTube page.
It's called 8 Kids Playing, a perfect name for our little actors and actresses, musicians and gamers.

AND, the kids are working on starting a newsletter. THE JOHNSON JOURNAL!

They are learning writing, business planning, and computer skills all at the same time. But, the part I like the best is the TEAMWORK because it was all their idea.

Pithy Signs Don't Make You Cool

It seems like everywhere I go lately, every store, every home, everywhere there are these wall hangings with clever, sweet and pithy little sayings like,

Last night, my husband and I were out and we saw one that said this:

In our home, we

Live Joyfully... Sometimes, but not always. Read this, and you'll know sometimes I'm really sad.

Laugh Abundantly... Sometimes we do laugh so hard it hurts. But, what does abundantly mean? 

Sometimes, we don't laugh at all. Sometimes, we yell and call names. Sometimes, we are mean.

Give Generously... That sounds nice. Wouldn't it be nice if we did that?

Love Affectionately...

Care Deeply...

Listen Carefully...

Smile Spontaneously...

Yes, let's do those things. 

Pray faithfully...

Forgive Freely... Yes, let's do these things too. I want us to do these things.

Play Adventurously... This one. This one, my boys have it down. They know how to play adventurously. But, it's okay. I'm not afraid of the E.R. Been there. Done that.

Hug Tightly... This one. I'm really good at this one. I can give Squishes ALL DAY.

But, I look at this list. This wall hanging that I keep seeing everywhere I go, and I wonder.

If I buy it and hang it on the wall, will that make it true?

No. It won't.

I didn't buy it. I'll probably never buy it. 

But, then I saw another sign and it gave me an idea. We don't have an Elf on the Shelf to do silly things or give our kids little gifts, and we don't pretend that a fat man in a red suit is bringing them stuff either. 

But, they do have a generous Dad and a silly mama. So, this morning, while they were all sleeping, I made them a sign. One we can all do. It's on the wall in my kitchen. 

It looks like this:

This.

I'm pretty sure we can accomplish this.

We are going to be amazing today.

And, maybe we'll even be amazing every day.

Why don't you just ask for help?

Why don't you just ask for help?

Sometimes, I get a little crazy. Some people call it Depression, some call it panic attacks, some call it anxiety.

I think DROWNING. I feel like I'm drowning.
Can't. Get. Enough. Air. To. Breathe.

Sometimes, it makes me say mean things. Sometimes, it makes me cry irrationally. Sometimes, it makes feel like I'm dying.

I used to think I was the only one going through my emotions, that they were brought about by the circumstances of my life. Abandonment. Neglect. Loneliness.

When I was in high school, I used to do all sorts of crazy things to try to get attention. Attention from my mom, my teachers, my classmates. Boys. Mostly, I tried to get attention from boys.

Then, when I got to college, I thought there must be something wrong with ME. It was not my circumstances. I met other people who had gone through way worse things than I had. They survived. They didn't panic or cry or freak out. They just went on. Why did I have so much trouble going on?

I thought I must need drugs, therapy, some remedy for this ailment of mine.

But, that didn't seem to help either.

As the past twenty years have gone by, I still get crazy sometimes. Some times I get crazy more often than not. But, I've come to realize that so does everyone else.

Everyone I've ever met, who I've really gotten to know, has admitted in some way at some time, that yes, they too have moments of crazy. Moments when you can't figure out how to move past the emotional block in your mind. When you just can't imagine how life can go forward from this moment and ever be good again. Sometimes, you can't imagine good at all. You can't even remember that it ever was.

EVERYONE.

Now, if you have a friend who has admitted this to you. I believe you have. You probably tried to give them some advice. I always do.

Try Vitamin X.
Try this therapist.
Try Medication Z.
Try Yoga.
Try. Try. Try.

Let me tell you how much I've tried. I've found that the more I try to FIX this thing, this craziness, this whatever it is, the more I find I can't FIX anything. I only end up making things worse, feeling like more of a failure and then spiralling downward into the insanity abyss.

Why don't you just ask for help? Well meaning as it is, and I say it too. Usually, we say something like, "Just call me." "I'll help you." "Let me know what I can do to help you."

I know you mean well. I always mean well when I say it too. It is a most sincere offer. Mine usually goes something like this.

"The coffee is always on at my house. Please, come interrupt my day." (Many thanks to the wonderful friend who first said this to me and meant it.)

But, it doesn't fix the hurt. I don't know why some things in life hurt SO much. But, I do know who carries that hurt for me.

Why don't I just ask for help? It isn't because I don't believe you, or that I don't trust you. It's simply that I know there really isn't anything that you can do. In those moments of crazy, I don't believe that anything can be done.

If I thought there was something that could be done to help the situation, then I would have already done it. See? It has nothing to do with the kind of friend I think you are, or whether or not I believe you are sincere. In that moment, I don't believe that anything can FIX it. It is a moment without HOPE. It is scary and I don't see any way out.

The only thing that pulls me out of the abyss is Jesus Christ. I find myself often laying helpless at the foot of the cross and begging for God to please, please, please just end this pain.

I wish I could say that He always does. But, He doesn't. He just carries me through it to the other side. He helps me remember the good. He helps me see that there is good on the other side, and He reminds me of the people and things that I love. Then, I wipe the tears off my face and I do the next thing.

That's it. Just do the next thing.

"It's okay to feel sad sometimes. Little by little, you'll feel better again." - Daniel Tiger

NOTE: Just to be clear, I'm not making light of real diseases, like Clinical Depression here. I'm just talking about the reality of living in a sinful world where we all pretend we are as happy as our internet memes portray us to be.

Making my home beautiful

I live in a parsonage.
That means I am always struggling to balance the fact that this is my home, but it is not my house.

Before my husband attended Seminary, we had always owned our own home. All of our married life was spent in homes that belonged to us, homes that we made payments on, homes that we put our financial equity in as well as our sweat equity.

I've spent most of my adult life living in a place that was wholly mine.

I don't mind not being responsible for all the maintenance and repairs, that part doesn't bother me a bit. But, during Seminary life, we were renters. It was never ours and it was always short term, always had an end date.

So, I didn't hang pictures on the walls, or paint, or decorate or care if it was beautiful. I found beauty in my children and my books instead.

But, now, we don't know how long we'll be here.

I think part of making a place feel like home is making it beautiful. But, everyone has their own idea of beautiful.

I think about this as I scrape through layer after layer of paint on the bathroom walls. It had started to peel, probably because of the humidity, and I had picked at the peeling paint. I couldn't help myself. I felt obligated to fix it. I planned to scrape just the loose bits and then paint the walls, but it kept coming off and every time I thought I was ready to paint, I would find another loose spot.

There are reds and greens and blues and creams and pinks and shades of grey. Some I think, oh I like that color and others I think oh my I wouldn't have chosen that. But, all of these colors and patterns were beautiful to someone at sometime. Now, it's my turn to choose what I think is beautiful.

We've been here for two and half years, and this will be the first time that I have had a chance to put some of myself into this space. It will never be my house, but maybe someday it will feel like home.

Failing NaNoWriMo 2015

It's November 29, 2015. Only two days left to complete NaNoWriMo. I have less than 15,000 words in this year's story. No where near the 50,000 needed to win. I will write today and some tomorrow maybe, and I will get closer, but I probably won't reach the goal.

It feels like failure. But, I've learned a lot this year.

In September, I read books and completed research to create a plan for writing a book. I put together a schedule and worked to see how many hours could realistically be squeezed out of each day.

In October, I put my plan into action, created an outline, character sketches and setting descriptions for November's novel.

In November, I set out to turn October's work into a finished novel.

I'm not there yet.

Instead, I went on vacation with my husband and children. A week of fun and sights and visiting. I took my laptop along, but my kids are just too much fun to be ignored.

Then, I won a huge turkey from out local grocer, so I invited some friends for Thanksgiving, so I fed twenty people dinner because they are more important than that story.

But, now that the last days are here, I can't make any more excuses.

I didn't finish the word count because I didn't put in the hours.

That's all.

I chose to do other things, like dishes and laundry, changing diapers and playing with babies. Every day I made the choice to be a mom and let the story sit.

But...
and this is a big one...
I'm not finished.

11:59pm on November 30th is not the final minute of my writing adventure.

This story will still be here. The outline is still solid, my characters compelling and the story worth telling. So, I won't win NaNoWriMo this year, but I am not defeated.

Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit by Teri Maxwell book review

I thought this was a really good read. 

First, It’s short; you could probably finish it in the doctor’s waiting room. This is great for the busy mom.

She does speak to the important job of the homeschooling mom in her preface, “There isn’t a more determined, dedicated set of women in the entire world! You have chosen an unpopular, difficult path that comes with little outside encouragement. Yet, you have set your face on obedience to the Lord and what you know is best for your children no matter what it costs your personally!”(9)

But, she has some good, honest insight into the heart and mind of a mom, not just those that homeschool. She speaks to our inclination to dwell in states of worry, anger, fear, anxiety and frustration. I think many moms would appreciate this text.

She encourages all those who are seeking Christ in their vocation, when she writes “…when Jesus Christ calls one to a task, He can also give the enthusiasm to go with it.” (13)

She encourages moms to recognize sin and call it what it is, confess and receive absolution. Perhaps my favorite quote from this book is  “Godly sorrow truly grieves over sin, confesses and repents of it. Then godly sorrow puts a smile on its face and walks in the joy of ‘no condemnation’!” (52)

What a beautiful thing forgiveness is.

Maxwell puts this in opposition to the idea of worldly sorrow, such as “…disappointment in your spirit that the reality of homeschooling didn’t match the ideal.” (16) 

These words spoke to me as I considered my moments of despair most often come from a feeling of failure that is directly related to my own high expectations not being met, which then leads me to feel that I have failed in some way to achieve the perfection that I had perceived possible. The root of this is my own PRIDE.

She says this well, “When negative emotions come over me, it is usually because I am thinking about myself.” (109)

This is not an advice book, or homeschooling book with curriculum suggestions, but simply a book that shares her personal journey in the search of contentment. It is hard work that we do as moms, and homeschooling adds to that work load, but we can, with the help of God, be content in the work that we do.

You can get a copy of Homeschooling With a Meek and Mild Spirit here.

Uber Organized Laundry

This.

is a fabulous idea.

I love it.

But, I'll never do it.

So, this mom takes all of her daughter's laundry and as it comes out of the dryer, she matches up the sets (her child only has sets) and folds them together in a large zipper style clear plastic bag.
When her daughter is getting dressed in the morning, she does not have to sort through a closet or dresser to find all the pieces of her favorite outfits because ALL she has to do is grab a bag.

I love this idea.

In fact, when I pack for long trips, I have done this exact thing with my younger children's outfits and even labeled each bag with a name and weekday assignment before putting them into the suitcase. I did this to prevent certain children from crying that they had no pants to wear after two days of vacation. It was a survival mechanism.

It's great.

But, for me, it must be filed under the category of things I would do

IF

I only had one child.

Some things just have to be let go.

This is one.

Please Don't Take My Kids Away

I'm afraid of the CPS worker... afraid they'll show up at my door and take my kids away. You could tell me that I'm crazy, but I already know.
I keep seeing articles about families being investigated for education neglect just because they homeschool, or for letting their children play at the park. I wonder some times what my mom was thinking because when I remember walking alone to the beach.

Yes.

The beach.

Three blocks from my house.

The beach; with all of Lake Michigan just sitting there waiting for me to drown in it, a no barriers or hand rails break wall to run on and fall off of into the rocks and drown, AND a gigantic slide with no side rails that I could  (and actually did once) fall from the top of.

I walked there, crossing streets, all three blocks.

I was five.

FIVE YEARS OLD!

But, I digress, because honestly I'm way more paranoid than that and I would never let my five year go the beach alone, even though I did. Isn't that weird? What is so different now?

It's fear.

I'm afraid of what might happen to him and I'm afraid that someone would call the police and I would be dealing with over zealous social workers for THE. REST. OF. MY. LIFE.

Or worse.

My children would just be gone. Forever.

But, like I said, I'm not sending my five year old alone to the beach, so what am I afraid of?

Well, first, they might see my eight year old riding a Go-Cart 40mph down the middle of the road on the steep hill by our house,

or they might see that same kid jumping from the top of a tree or trying to climb freestyle up the rocky side of the church next door,

or they might see my two year old sitting under the dining room table with a blanket and a box of cereal, eating out of the box and not having even one single bite of dinner.

Or they might have seen what my laundry room looked like before I cleaned it out and took two full trash bags out of that mess.

Or they might see my twelve year old falling all over the pavement trying to do tricks on his new skateboard without a helmet.

Or they might just say, 8 KIDS!? That's too many.

Or maybe one day they'll be walking down the sidewalk in front of our house and they'll hear what I hear when I stand outside hanging towels on the line.

SCREAMING!

Even when they are having fun and playing happily, they are LOUD. Loud enough that I can hear them through the walls with the windows closed. It's even worse when the windows are open.

Then, I realize that if you add in my voice and my husband's voice, it's probably doubly loud. And, that's when I start thinking... someone is going to walk by this house and they are going to call someone and say something is going on in that house. And then I start to wonder where I can hide my kids, but there's no where to hide because we are so stinkin' loud that people can hear us through the walls.

Hard Core Poor, a book review

I just finished reading Hard Core Poor by Kelly Sangree. I read a lot of books on this topic. I find an enjoyable challenge is seeing how little I can spend and still have everything we need, so new books on this topic intrigue me.

This one isn't bad, but I still haven't found any that can compete with The Complete Tightwad Gazette.

I commend Sangree for taking the time to write it.  I've often thought of compiling my years of notes and personal experience into a book on the subject, but always feel like the topic is endless.

Hard Core Poor is a short read.

Her conversational tone allows anyone to glean from her ideas. She covers most of the basic essentials of life and offers a broad range of options in each category from the free method to some of the most expensive. And, if you are new to the idea of being frugal, this could be the book that gets your brain thinking in that vein.

Her ideas aren't bad, but most of them are little more than surface discussion, and don't really get into the nitty gritty of living a frugal life. I think what I love about the Tightwad Gazette is the mass number of specific tricks to try, from washing and reusing plastic storage bags to creative crafts made out of old milk jugs. To see some of my ideas worth sharing, check out my blog posts on the topic of Frugal Living.

Some of my favorites are making your own dishwasher detergent, variations of a pot pie, and the $400 grocery challenge.

Normally, I don't buy these books, but borrow them from the library instead, because they so often contain the same or similar material as books that came before them.

Sangree admits that experienced frugal mommas will find most of her book covers material we already know, but she does discuss a few novel things like where to cash a paycheck when the bank won't let you, and housing options when you can't afford rent. Hard Core Poor also has several website and blog references, making it simple to springboard into other resources fairly quickly.

I picked it up free on Kindle during a promotion, and offering her book free really speaks to her heart for those who are really "hard core poor", so for that reason, I don't mind recommending it.

Homeschooling the child with Asperger Syndrome, a book review

Homeschooling the Child with Asperger Syndrome by Lisa Pyles is one of the best introductory books on homeschooling I’ve found. Her approach is unique in that she discusses the broad topic of homeschooling with specific suggestions for overcoming the learning challenges that a child with Asperger’s might face.

As an experienced homeschooling parent, I can attest that most of her advice is relevant to all homeschooling families. For example, after a brief discussion of Asperger’s, she challenges the obstacles that many parents voice as reasons not to homeschool in the first place. These perceived obstacles seem to be common among many families who are pondering this decision.

First is the issue of time. She says one mom followed “…her two (non-AS affected) middle school aged children around their classes.” This mom reported that each child received less than two hours of actual instruction time.

“The rest of the day was eaten up by passing between classes, getting settled, collecting homework or lunch orders, handing out papers, taking attendance, making announcements, waiting for quiet, dealing with rowdy kids, and getting ready to go to the next class.” (p23)

Pyles also challenges myths such as

*It’s too expensive,

*I’m not a teacher,

*I don’t know what to teach,

*I can’t handle him, he won’t learn from me,

*my child doesn’t want to, and

*my family won’t support me.

Behavioral issues in and out of the classroom are not unique to children with Asperger Syndrome, children who are naturally introverted often have meltdowns when they arrive home after spending hours interacting with others, energetic boys often have trouble sitting still for long periods of time, immature children have short attention spans, and some kids just struggle to control their emotions when bombarded with stimulation and demands all day long. 

You may not have the skills to teach a group of 25 kids you’ve just met, but God has given you the skills to teach the one child whose gifts, skills and learning style you’ve been studying since the day he was born. Parents are always teaching, from walking and talking to eating independently, personal hygiene, cooking meals, mowing the lawn, following directions and more – and we rarely stop to consider whether or not we are qualified to teach these things.

“Our job as teacher is to teach academic subjects. The other job, as a parent, is to help our children cope in the world.” (p38)

“What if we change things so that… [the child] is allowed to feel safe and comfortable and calm, and is allowed to learn at his own rate and in a way that suits him?” Might this change in his environment also change the way he responds to it? Perhaps for the better? (p29)

Throughout the text, Lisa Pyles breaks down topics by academic subject and age range, offering websites, book lists and tips from experienced parents.

The author of Homeschooling the child with Asperger’s Syndrome is not a lifelong homeschooler. She pulled her child so that she could meet his needs. This gives her the perspective of having tried the public school system, taken an adventure in homeschooling and later re-enrolling him into a private school.

I often meet young moms who say, “Oh, I’ve been thinking about homeschooling, but how do I get started?” and it’s been so long since we started that I have a hard time remembering what it was like. I would recommend Pyles book to those moms.

At first, I was curious about the topic, but convinced she would have little to offer me… I mean, I’ve been doing this a long time, and I don't have a child with Asperger Syndrome. But, even I found some good tips. My favorite is the Learning Jar – this is a jar filled with educational activities for children to do when they need a break, or when you need to help another child. The child can pull a slip of paper from the jar and find a special task to do, such as counting the stairs for little ones, measuring the area of a room or alphabetizing the books on a shelf. The tasks can be specific to the child, such as march the stairs for gross motor skills, count the paper clips in this cup for fine motor skills, stand on one foot for fifteen seconds for children who need help with balance, etc.

Overall, Homeschooling the child with Asperger’s Syndrome is an excellent overview of homeschooling and a good read for anyone just getting started with it, and it may have some great nuggets for us old pros too.