No prenatal care until 27 weeks

The first appointment. 

It was as good as I could have hoped for while still being completely dreadful.  

I waited until 27 weeks to have my first OB visit, simply because I didn’t want to go to an OB at all. 

I’ve had 4 hospital births and 2 home births… the difference is so vast that I, a writer at heart and by trade, cannot even begin to put into words how it feels to return to a hospital experience now.

Michelle is a midwife, licensed in the state of Indiana, but only to perform hospital births under the supervision of an OB/GYN. She is as nice a girl as I could have hoped for. She even looked at my history and said that women who’ve had home births don’t usually return to the hospital. She asked me if anything had gone wrong. Then, she asked me if I was sure that I wanted to be there.

That’s when I lost it. All the tears that I had shed in the 45 minute drive to her office had not depleted my supply.

 “No, I don’t want to be here. I cried the whole way” I admitted as my tears began to flow again. I was scared. I am scared.

I don’t want to repeat the hospital births that I had. 

They weren’t terrible, in fact, I would have to say that they were completely normal as far as hospital births go… but, I don’t ever want to do it again.

She promised to do her best to give me the most comfortable experience possible, while still following hospital policies of course. So, here I am. Terrified of my future, but praying for the best.