My child has a talent. She's going to throw it away. I'm going to let her. That's one way to parent and it's okay. But, oh, the guilt. And, then, I wonder what if?
What if someone - anyone really, this is not a jab at my mother, it's just a question - what if someone had recognized in me, a capacity for greatness and taken the time to push me to be great. What might I have accomplished if someone had invested in me? What skills would I have today?
I'm not trying to lay any blame. I went to public school with hundreds of other kids. I was average. There wasn't anything particularly special about me that would justify a stranger devoting their time and energy to push me to be something more than average.
It is an investment. It requires time and energy and a great deal of patience and persistence. Children don't appreciate what's being done on their behalf, and I wouldn't have either. I would have cried and protested and probably even thrown a few tantrums. I have no reason to expect anyone to invest in me. But, still, I wonder, what if someone had?
So, then to the real question: I can't change the past, I can only work in the present to effect the future; when I recognize the capacity for greatness in my child, what will I do about it? Will I let her be a child and behave childishly, and skip over all things difficult? Will I force her to push through the challenges because I can see what lies on the other side and she can't?
It's a decision every parent makes, even if it's made by default. For some the decision is easy; their own personality dictates how hard they will press their child. I want to be the mother who pushes her children to greatness. My heart and my mind tell me I must do this. I've seen the results when I do push. I want my child to see their potential for greatness and experience the successes that come with hard work and I want them to learn to push themselves.
But, I am also easily discouraged and often lazy. It takes so much work. I admit to my children that sometimes I am a Tiger Mother and sometimes I am a total slacker, but most days I fall somewhere in between.
On every day - I love them and want the best for them and I am always afraid of making the wrong choice. So, I pray every parent's prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept my children for who they are;
the courage to push them even when it's hard;
and the wisdom to know when it's better to just hold on for the ride.
Not sure what a Tiger Mother is? "The tiger mother's cubs are being raised to rule the world,... while the offspring of "weak-willed," "indulgent" Westerners are growing up ill equipped to compete..."
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2043477,00.html#ixzz2HO0zcDYX
No comments:
Post a Comment