Growing Girls by Jeanne Marie Laskas ends with one main point. "Motherhood was my rescue" and it reminds me of 1 Timothy 2:15 "Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control." (ESV) even though it is not exactly what she means.
I should first confess that I know there is a reason publishers print stuff on the back of a book. It's not just for their own pleasure. It is generally intended to spout the virtues of the text inside. Why I ignored it in this case, I'll never know. But, had I read the back cover, I would have known that this book is not about raising daughters; at least not in the same way that Dobson's Bringing Up Boys is about raising sons.
Laskas offers very little in the way of parenting advice; instead this book is more of a memoir about a city girl who moves to the country and happens to be raising two daughters. She spends more time talking about the animals they are raising than the daughters that are growing, but in a profound way she offers great insight into the heart and soul of motherhood. She does it in a "You have no idea what you're getting into." sort of way.
Laskas is honest about her struggles to overcome the feeling of being a 'bad mother'; a common thread among mothers of the world. She puts the reality of motherhood into a poignant perspective while at the same time claiming that we can't really explain the exhaustion of all that we do because we block it out of our memories, "Any mother who can't get rid of the memories of how exhausting mothering is would have to kill herself, leaving all those half-grown kids to fend for themselves." (60) It's sort of like the claim that if we truly remembered how painful childbirth is, no one would have more than one child.
I can appreciate Laskas's ability to bravely confess her own insecurities about motherhood; reminding readers that we are not alone in ours. I found I could most closely relate to her when on pages 127-128 she quotes Judith Warner. Laskas, having chased a career most of her life, found that when she wanted to have children, her body was too old, so she adopted two girls and she says of her years pursuing a career and competing with the boys, she says she thought "I was a uniquely neurotic young thing...too engaged with life to bother signing up for the tired grown-up world of marriage and babies. Special! No.... I was a product of a trend toward 'muscle-bound, tightly wound, uber-achieving, all-encompassing, never-failing self control that passed in the 1980's, for female empowerment.' A cliche'."
My story is the opposite, but I know just what she means. I gave up competing with the boys and chasing a perfect career at age 19, when I met my husband. I've spent the past 18 years learning all the things that "female empowerment" failed to teach me, like how to make a home, be a wife, raise a family, and train up the next generation. As I read Laskas' journey of discovery into farm life, I am reminded of the long journey that has brought me to where I am today as a mother.
Laskas quotes Warner who states, "...the chance that children wouldn't quite fit into this [female empowerment] picture - never entered our minds."
She's right, and it actually took me most of the first decade of married life to realize that I would have to fail at one pursuit or the other. I've always felt the pressure of my culture to pursue something more than 'just being a mom'; something bigger, better, greater, grander, something that is somehow more... it's as if I have failed my gender.
But, Laskas doesn't ever exchange her career for motherhood. She says, in her own words, "Worse - I am trying to do both. Like so many women, I am trying to do both. How ridiculous. What a perfect set up for failure."
She's right. She is still new at being a mother and learning about what it all means, but, despite her little experience, she puts into words the thoughts and feelings of women in our generation and mothers in general; thoughts and feelings that others would struggle to find the right words for. Laskas gives us those words.
If you've ever been a mother or wanted to be a mother; if you have even ever had a pet, you will appreciate this tale.
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