This is the final project for my class on Family Communication. First, we had to read this article "Who's on the Family Tree? Now it's Complicated." from the New York Times. Then, we were asked to review our original definition of family from the beginning of the class. Here's mine:
"...small, kinship structured group whose primary function is the nurturing socialization of newborn children." (p.4) I personally like this definition. I was alone as an adult until I met my husband and together through marriage we became one union and when our union brought forth child, we were family. This family includes aunts, uncles, grandparents and any other relatives who take part in the lives of my children. Go HERE for a more thorough explanation of my definition.
Then, we are asked to respond to the article. I had to start with this quote, "For some children, having to explain their family tree... 'can cause kids pain in unexpected ways,' " The problem I have with this statement is that the pain is only 'unexpected' by the adults who made decisions about a child's life without considering the ramifications that those choices would have on the children they brought into this world.
For one thing, the relationship between parent and child begins with deception as defined on page 146 in our text. When a person begins their life with a parent named "anonymous" it is impossible to ever truly know who you are. Sperm donors don't really donate anything, they sell their reproductive materials for a price, and usually don't want their offspring to ever know who they are.
Secondly, even in the case of the adoptive family, Mrs. Battel says of the other offspring created by the same male donor, "We decided they are not half-siblings, but donor siblings. We honor them, but they are not part of the family." Except that medically, they are. In fact, if their daughter ever needed an organ or tissue donor, those strangers are more likely to be a match than the man she calls Dad.
My definition of family has not changed. One of my peers objected to my definition and suggested that I was stating that he and his girlfriend cannot be considered a family. He's right, I would say that they are not a family and I stand by my statement that as a single adult, he is still the child of his parents and that is his family; but, when I entered into marriage, my husband and I became one - also, becoming a child of each other's family. We did not become a family unit ourselves until we had our first child.
I offer another article from the New York Times. This one is written by a professor of sociology who discusses our American ideas about the ideal family. It makes for an interesting read, and fits this discussion well. Children who find themselves in family situations that are less than ideal, suffer the stages of crisis, as defined on pages 284-287 in our text.
So, what is family all about? How do we define a successful family? I think this MSNBC video says it all. You do have to sit through a 30 second commercial before the video starts, but it is less than five minutes total and completely worth your time. This couple shares their secrets of successful marriage during their 83rd anniversary party.
Back in the NYT article about the ideal family, it is clear that no matter how far small groups of our culture attempt to stretch the boundaries of acceptable lifestyle choices, as a nation we believe that one man, one woman, one marriage is still the ideal. The family that holds on to that, and never gives it up is successful. Sometimes, the ideal falls apart, like when a father dies and his children are still young - they survive, but they grow up with a vital piece of their life missing. Many times though, these family units fall apart because adults make selfish decisions - those who are affected survive, but they do not thrive.
Three things that I think are essential for a family to survive: 1) A rock - one person who is solid, stable and immovable. The one person (in my family it was my Gramma Ruby) who can be counted on to stay the same no matter how crazy the world gets. 2) Determination; sometimes holding a family together is a simple act of will power. 3) Work ethic - relationships take work, and people who give up easily when the going gets tough will not be able to make it for the long haul.
Three things that I think are essential for a family to thrive: 1) God at the head; a family can make it on the above items, but to truly be a successful family - one that doesn't just stay together, but loves to be together - they need to have God at the head. 2) Faith in the saving work of Christ Jesus, because death tears a family apart, unless you are secure in the peace and comfort that comes from living for eternity in the arms of God. Without this, every illness, every separation is a torture of worry as you wonder if the ones you love will ever be with you again. Faith gives you the comfort of knowing that no matter what happens, you will all share eternity in Heaven together. 3) Love, not the emotion, but the willingness to sacrifice for the good of others.
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