Letting go? It feels more like being ripped apart.

As the parent of a teenager, I've been told I have to 'learn to let go'.
What does this mean and how does it actually happen? No one has an answer to that, just that you must learn to do it.

I tried suggesting to my 16 year old that she should take on the responsibility of a project. This was after much discussion... okay, it was really a heated argument... over how to go about putting this project together.

We had 'creative differences' so to speak.

In fact, she said my ideas were 'stupid'.

So, after taking some time away from it, I returned and suggested that I would try to stay out of the way and let her develop the details of the performance in her own way.

Then, she said, "But, you have to be there." I thought she was being snarky and implying that I wouldn't really let her have control and would insist on being involved in the process.

So, I asked, "What do you mean?"

She said, "You know I wouldn't have even looked at it if you hadn't made me."

She's right. Brutally honest about herself. And, right.

If I had not scheduled time to rehearse, there would have been no rehearsal to argue about.

So, how as a parent do I let her go out on her own, knowing that she faces a huge opportunity to do something great or to fall on her face?

I know in my gut that if left without any guidance at all, she will forget all about it and I'll have a fit at the last minute when she hasn't worked on it at all and then she'll throw something together and it will be okay, but not great.

I know in my heart that she is capable of greatness if only she would put forth the energy required to see it through. I also know that I still have enough power to "make" her do it.

So, how do I balance this knowledge?

If I help her, she will not grow as much as she could, and I will feel guilty that I didn't give her enough space to learn from the experience. If I let it go, I will feel guilty that I did not push her to her full potential and possibly, she might even fail, and somehow I know I would feel that I am at fault.

Letting go? It feels more like being ripped apart.