Defining Family - Back to the Beginning

This is the final project for my class on Family Communication. First, we had to read this article "Who's on the Family Tree? Now it's Complicated." from the New York Times. Then, we were asked to review our original definition of family from the beginning of the class. Here's mine:
"...small, kinship structured group whose primary function is the nurturing socialization of newborn children." (p.4) I personally like this definition. I was alone as an adult until I met my husband and together through marriage we became one union and when our union brought forth child, we were family. This family includes aunts, uncles, grandparents and any other relatives who take part in the lives of my children. Go HERE for a more thorough explanation of my definition.


Then, we are asked to respond to the article. I had to start with this quote, "For some children, having to explain their family tree... 'can cause kids pain in unexpected ways,' " The problem I have with this statement is that the pain is only 'unexpected' by the adults who made decisions about a child's life without considering the ramifications that those choices would have on the children they brought into this world.
For one thing, the relationship between parent and child begins with deception as defined on page 146 in our text. When a person begins their life with a parent named "anonymous" it is impossible to ever truly know who you are. Sperm donors don't really donate anything, they sell their reproductive materials for a price, and usually don't want their offspring to ever know who they are. 
Secondly, even in the case of the adoptive family, Mrs. Battel says of the other offspring created by the same male donor, "We decided they are not half-siblings, but donor siblings. We honor them, but they are not part of the family." Except that medically, they are. In fact, if their daughter ever needed an organ or tissue donor, those strangers are more likely to be a match than the man she calls Dad.


My definition of family has not changed. One of my peers objected to my definition and suggested that I was stating that he and his girlfriend cannot be considered a family. He's right, I would say that they are not a family and I stand by my statement that as a single adult, he is still the child of his parents and that is his family; but, when I entered into marriage, my husband and I became one - also, becoming a child of each other's family. We did not become a family unit ourselves until we had our first child. 
I offer another article from the New York Times. This one is written by a professor of sociology who discusses our American ideas about the ideal family. It makes for an interesting read, and fits this discussion well. Children who find themselves in family situations that are less than ideal, suffer the stages of crisis, as defined on pages 284-287 in our text.


So, what is family all about? How do we define a successful family? I think this MSNBC video says it all. You do have to sit through a 30 second commercial before the video starts, but it is less than five minutes total and completely worth your time. This couple shares their secrets of successful marriage during their 83rd anniversary party. 
Back in the NYT article about the ideal family, it is clear that no matter how far small groups of our culture attempt to stretch the boundaries of acceptable lifestyle choices, as a nation we believe that one man, one woman, one marriage is still the ideal. The family that holds on to that, and never gives it up is successful. Sometimes, the ideal falls apart, like when a father dies and his children are still young - they survive, but they grow up with a vital piece of their life missing. Many times though, these family units fall apart because adults make selfish decisions - those who are affected survive, but they do not thrive. 


Three things that I think are essential for a family to survive: 1) A rock - one person who is solid, stable and immovable. The one person (in my family it was my Gramma Ruby) who can be counted on to stay the same no matter how crazy the world gets. 2) Determination; sometimes holding a family together is a simple act of will power. 3) Work ethic - relationships take work, and people who give up easily when the going gets tough will not be able to make it for the long haul.
Three things that I think are essential for a family to thrive: 1) God at the head; a family can make it on the above items, but to truly be a successful family - one that doesn't just stay together, but loves to be together - they need to have God at the head. 2) Faith in the saving work of Christ Jesus, because death tears a family apart, unless you are secure in the peace and comfort that comes from living for eternity in the arms of God. Without this, every illness, every separation is a torture of worry as you wonder if the ones you love will ever be with you again. Faith gives you the comfort of knowing that no matter what happens, you will all share eternity in Heaven together. 3) Love, not the emotion, but the willingness to sacrifice for the good of others.

Unit 6 - The digital age and family communication

This is part two of Unit 6. Part One is here.

The question for this second portion is How does the family you are analyzing negotiate the digital age (all of the social media, the mass media, etc.)? Are there rules about its use? What are the positive and negative results of this style of management?

We are pretty strict about internet usage. But, generally, the digital world has invaded our home. Every kid has a Nook for reading; we own more game systems than I can count; and there are all sorts of handheld games and gadgets on all the time. We are attached to our technology through fingers that can't let go and wires that come out of our gadgets and into our ears.

But, we do have rules.
1. Chores and Schoolwork come first - then play time.
2. No internet access without permission and supervision. Sometimes, this means that we take the wireless router with us when we leave some children home alone.

It's not a lot of rules, but they are simple and clear and necessary. I mean, I wouldn't do my chores either if I was allowed to play games all day.

The positives of these rules are that they keep order. The negatives are that they are so strict that they don't really encourage our children to explore the internet and learn to be responsible with it. We have removed the temptation which is good because they are young, but it is also bad because they will not always be young and they are not learning self-control.

REFLECTION Q: Look at your class mate's webpages and  how they negotiate the digital age then look back at your own. What are some of the challenges that we all face in navigating the role of those features in our lives? What are the positive influences of technology in family life?


Technology can both save and waste time, depending on how it is used. A washing machine saves me time in getting the laundry done. Without it, I would have to wash by hand. However, because I am not prepared to do laundry by hand, I would use a laundromat if my machine broke down, and that would take more time than hand washing.

All of the technology that we become dependent on does a job for us that we used to do for ourselves. We used to write thoughtful letters, now we click out an email as fast as we can so that we are on to something else; but, does that cause us to lose the ability to write a letter?

The theme of time seemed to be consistent throughout the blogs. Time away from family was a concern when it was caused by technology. Time constraints on technology were a common method of dealing with that. Time saving features were a common benefit of the technology.

Unit 6 - Health Messages and Behaviors

Unit 6 will be in two parts because the two questions for this week seem unrelated, in my humble opinion. So, I think they are worthy of two posts.

First, identify 3-4 health-related messages/behaviors that your family has focused on. How do these messages/behaviors shape the behavior of various family members?

1) Variety in our food. We post the USDA my plate image on the cupboard door in our kitchen. We hope that it will serve as a reminder of the various food groups that are needed with each meal. As older children assist in meal planning and sometimes make their own meals, this serves as a guide to help them remember to make more than just macaroni and cheese.

2) Eat your fruits and vegetables. We leave fresh fruits and veggies out for snacks. Sometimes whole, sometimes cut up, and sometimes even with dip. This is so that our children will see these when they are looking for a snack and eat them instead of a less healthy snack. It also helps them get plenty of fruits and vegetables to help make up for the times when someone forgets to follow the my plate diagram and serves just macaroni and cheese.

3) Water. Your body's many cries for water is a book that identifies that many ways your body uses the water that you provide to it. Some water comes from your foods, especially juicy fruits, but most of the water your body gets is what you drink. Juice and pop are saved for special treats, and milk is only served with breakfast and dinner. When you are thirsty throughout the day, drink water. We do this to help our children to develop a habit of providing their body with enough water to sustain itself and to maintain their health. Our children generally ask for water when offered something to drink outside of our home, so I believe it is a habit that they are picking up on.

8 1/2 weeks pregnant, The Coffee Crash is nearly over

Since about week six, I've been exhausted. Literally, exhausted. I look around at my messy house and think I should clean up, but I can't even move. All I want to do is sleep.

It came on all of a sudden, and I couldn't figure why.
But, recently, I realized after a couple of days of not needing to nap three times a day what the culprit was.

See, at about six weeks is when I discovered that my favorite pot-a-day coffee habit suddenly tasted gross, upset my stomach and smelled bad. I continued to make the coffee, fill my cup and carry it around the house. But, inevitably, I would find it somewhere still full. I wasn't drinking it.

The caffeine crash soon set in and I needed a nap.
When I woke up from that nap, I soon needed another one.

Now, that I'm finally weened from my coffee addiction, (well, mostly) I hope to find another source of energy to get me through the day. Time goes by REALLY FAST when you're sleeping and it's hard to get anything done when you sleep all day.