One Constant to Stop All Things From Spinning Out of Control

...as it was in the beginning, is now, and always will be

How many things can you say that about? I can only think of one.
Life is always changing. Little things we barely notice, like boys becoming men, until we can't find a single shirt that doesn't reveal his belly button.
Some changes happen much faster, much more sudden, so fast in fact that we remain in shock and disbelief for a time while it all sinks in.

Change is ongoing. Nothing in my life is as it was in the beginning... nothing but one thing.

We've been watching some caterpillars at our house lately.

They started out very tiny when they first arrived, and we watched them grow. We generally agreed that they were sort of ugly.

During this same time, our home in Michigan was growing uglier and uglier as the tenants became more and more malicious.

Then, things began to change in our little caterpillar jar. The caterpillars made chrysalides (also sort of ugly). 

Our home in Michigan began to take on a transformation also. As we waited for the court system to give us legal possession of the home and force the tenants out, we began the process of siding the house with vinyl. Over the top of nasty old pressboard that was no longer salvageable with any amount of paint, it was like a caterpillar turn butterfly.

Every day, we watched the caterpillars turn chrysalides and wondered at the transformation happening within. At the same time, we received pictures of the house that was once our home as it went from something ugly to something more beautiful.

Wouldn't it be nice if everything in life worked out that way? But, this is where the parallel ends. In fact, soon after receiving this photo:

and this, everything would change again.

Isn't it beautiful?
As the progress went along on the house, I forgot about our science project. The caterpillars just did their thing, they didn't need us. We moved them to a butterfly enclosure and left them alone, well except for the occasional photo.

They too, were becoming gradually less ugly, without any help from us. The house, on the other hand, needed human assistance and so that is where my mind was.
Things moved quickly.
The tenants were summarily evicted by the judge and we patiently waited the ten days for them to actually be removed from the property, but exterior improvements continued. When the tenants were out, we were ready! In just two days, six dumpsters worth of food, clothing, garbage and other household items were removed from the house; apparently we had rented to hoarders.

The clean up was going well, the transformation coming along nicely. Unlike the chrysalides, whose process could only be seen from the outside, this transformation was being visually photographed at every stage. I imagined the before and after album that I would someday create when this project was done.

But, change is not always as we plan it.

After days of happy progress reports coming in and talk of colors and design plans... the next photo I received would look like this:

It happens in an instant. I know everyone says that about fire, but you really don't know until suddenly the entire thing is gone.

A guy doing the siding, said "... before I knew that it was on fire, it was underneath my feet."

A part of me is weighted down with guilt, as I know everyone who was there is also; I feel guilty for not being there working along side of them. As though somehow my mind believes that I could have or would have changed the outcome of the events of that day. But, my heart knows that it is not so. Yet the burden of guilt is not swayed.

I know from experience that many times in life we experience tragedy and loss, the more years we live, the more we know this. I also know that some times things seem hopeless and unchangeable. But, things that stay the same? There is only one. He is as He was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. All else is fluid, like vapor in the wind.

I know that as time passes, those losses become memories and we continue to live. We are not lost with them. God pushes us through to the other side (you can say carries, but I always feel like I'm being pushed through these things).

But, my mind will not be quiet, it will not settle and I stay up at night, playing and replaying every possible scenario; every possible could have, should have, and nothing changes. But, everything has changed.

The caterpillar forgotten, I was surprised to find this today:

The late blooming caterpillar who seemed to never start his chrysalis, and we gave up on, made his chrysalis anyway, not on the tissue where we'd planned it, but on the inside of an overturned cup. 

The chrysalis that fell when we moved it, and we thought would die in the bottom of the enclosure - he was the first to emerge and show us his beautiful colors. 

I am reminded that I do not know what the future holds, no matter how well laid my plans.

Things change, under God's watchful eye, whether I put it out of my mind or watch it carefully. I am not in control.

Even when we ourselves are paralyzed by indecision, stress and fear; even when we seem stuck in a place of darkness and despair - God is ever watchful. He who makes sure that the creatures I neglected survive and flourish, is even more watchful over me.

But, as with all that is in this earthly world, none of it will remain. The butterfly will lay its eggs and die, in just a few weeks. That is all the life that it will have. So much work for so little. Like the men who watched the siding they had just installed melt before their very eyes, so much work... and like all else, it is nothing.

Even when, and especially when all is changing, fleeting, dying, melting away... One is as He was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be. Only One. And that is where my comfort lies.