A couple of my friends recently shared this article on their Facebook pages. I was excited to read "Homeschooling: Win Over Your Church" because being the only homeschooling family in a congregation is a unique challenge. I was especially intrigued as I read the first paragraph and learned that the author is a pastor's wife.
But, as I read her suggestions, I thought,
THAT DOESN'T WORK!
or at least, that doesn't work for us.
Granted, this article was written about 15 years ago, and at that time homeschooling was not as common or accepted as it is today. In fact, homeschooling today is quite common in some church denominations and we know families who have chosen their church based on the homeschooling network that exists there. In fact, there was a time when I also made my decision on where to attend church based on nothing more than where my homeschooling friends attended.
Since then, I've learned a lot about doctrine and theology and I understand that every church is not the same. In choosing where to attend based on law and gospel preaching and sound teaching, I ended up back in the Lutheran tradition that my father and his father before him were raised in. Among Lutherans, Christian education is a high priority; so much so that they highly value their Lutheran school system. But, homeschooling is still in its infancy among Lutherans.
I have been the only homeschooling mom in a congregation where nearly every other child attended the attached school, in a congregation where every other child attended the small nearby public school, and in a congregation with one other homeschooling family. Today, I am married to the pastor of a congregation in a small town where everyone attends the local public school except for a few who make the drive to attend a Lutheran school in a nearby town. We are once again the only homeschooling family in our congregation.
Her first piece of advice is that "You don't have to be perfect..." and I'm going to come back to that. Her second piece of advice is "Show Off Your Home Economics Skills". When I read this, I laughed, because I have none and I have no idea what that would have to do with homeschooling unless I was trying to convince people that my daughters will one day be good hostesses.
I believe that we are all uniquely gifted and how we are able to use our gifts depends on our circumstances. Some of my friends are great at hosting and I love to visit them, and sometimes I'm a little jealous of their skills, but it's not my gift. I love to have people over, but to relax, drink coffee and share a little reality - company is a welcome interruption to my day - not a way for me to prove the benefits of homeschooling. If I had to live up to that standard, I would never allow anyone into my home.
Next, she suggests that you "Choose Appropriate Ministry Projects", and suggests things for the children to be doing. We do choose carefully what activities our children will participate in based on who they are and what they need, not based on how the congregation will perceive their faithfulness. When we serve it is for the purpose of serving, not of showing off.
She says, "Do Not Grandstand as a Leader" and she means that one shouldn't use the pulpit to promote homeschooling. Well, of course. First, I'm not going to be saying anything from the pulpit - EVER! because I'm not called and ordained. And, my husband, who is called and ordained to serve this congregation, understands full well that his vocation is to preach law and gospel to the people of the congregation. Homeschooling is not LAW, even if some Christians would like to present it as such. (Proverbs 22:6)
My experience in each new congregation is that where our kids go to school is not the first topic of conversation that people want to have with me. In most cases, it isn't something they even think of. I don't bring it up either. I mean, if your kids go to public school is that the first thing you say to someone you just met?
Usually, it takes time to get to know new people and a new area, so I'm busy asking for directions and trying to figure out who is related to who. Gradually, as friendships form, the subject comes up. We state matter of factly that we homeschool and we try to answer honestly any questions that people ask. We have found that even the most adamantly opposed to homeschooling have a hard time arguing against it when they genuinely like you and your kids.
My advice is
1. Go ahead, invite friends over. Because you like them, not because you are trying to prove something. If someone is interested in judging my housekeeping or culinary skills, they will be very disappointed.
2. Let the pastor preach and teach. Let your children be servants because God has given them a heart for service, not so that people can see what a great job you are doing.
3. Stop trying to prove something. This took me a long time to learn. If I had read this article when it was written, I would have taken all these things to heart and tried to live up to them completely. (I was kind of caught up in fulfilling the law back then - now, I understand that Christ fulfilled the law for me)
I have learned a lot about friendships over the years too. People actually like me better when I'm not trying to be perfect - isn't that strange? I used to think that I had to live up to people's expectations, but the expectations were always of my own making.
Homeschooling might be easier in a congregation where everyone else is doing it, but I go to church to receive God's gifts to His people, not to hang out with like-minded educators. That's what homeschool conferences are for. I don't need to win my congregation over to homeschooling. My vocation is as a wife and mother and that includes Proverbs 22:6, but it's not my job to convince you of that.
