This week in chapter 5, we are learning about “relational
maintenance strategies” (111). Basically, these are the things we do to
maintain our relationships with others. It involves taking “time to think about
each others’ lives” and making a conscious effort to strengthen bonds with
another. (111)
One strategy is the use of rituals. These are usually “conscious
repetition of actions and words” that create meaning. (113)
A ritual in our family is the evening bedtime story. We do
this regularly and consciously in an effort to share a book together. We’ve
gone from Goodnight Moon to Green Eggs and Ham to Chronicles of Narnia, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and now we are
reading Robinson Crusoe. Over the
years, as the children have grown, the oldest children don’t join us as often,
but sometimes if they hear that we are at one of their favorite parts they will
peer in and listen. The littlest children still sit on my lap and snuggle until
they fall asleep.
Some nights we miss this due to schedule conflicts or illness
or other interruptions. I can always tell when we have missed our story time
because no one sleeps as well. This ritual allows us to have a time in the
evening where we share a tale of adventure and intrigue that we talk about
during other times. This story in common provides a reference for other
conversations. I saw this particularly played out when my three oldest children
all read Harry Potter at the same time, but I did not read it. They would often
have intimate conversations about the story that they had read that didn’t
include anyone else. Sometimes, we meet new friends who have read some of our
favorite stories and they can share in the secret conversations too.
Another conscious activity that our family participates in
is attending regular worship services and fellowship with other Christian
believers. I would not have thought of this as a ritual, but it is mentioned as
a “spiritual” ritual that meets “religious needs”. This includes “praying or
attending spiritual worship together, saying grace before meals,” etc. (115)
Gathering together with our immediate family (our household) and our church
family on a regular basis serves as what is called “relational currency” of “time
together”. Our times of fellowship often also include other relational
currencies such as “gifts” of “food” as we share in homemade desserts and
coffee at Bible study on Tuesdays and Thursdays or evening meals prior to
worship service on Wednesdays during Advent and Lent. We also share in the gift
of Christ’s body and blood when we commune together and receive the Holy
Eucharist. The gifts, foods and the time together all serve to develop and
strengthen the bonds in our relationships with each other.
Through the exercise of completing this assignment, I was
blessed to be reminded of all that others do for me and how much I enjoy the
fellowship of other believers, whether it be with my own children at the dinner
table or with all the congregation at the altar.
REFLECTION QUESTION:
Some of the rituals that I read and found interesting are as follows:
**Heather F. shared a ritual in her family that involves birthday dinners. There are eight of us in our immediate family, so we would have to go to a restaurant or buy special food nearly every month to do something like this. Instead, we hold big, elaborate parties at milestone birthdays. For adults, it's usually 30,40,50, etc. For our kids, it's 5, 10 and 15. But, I can see how a special meal out might be beneficial to a family that isn't always together; giving them a chance to share their life experiences and get to know each other better.
**The Smiths always sit in the same chair at the table. We do this too. It started because we have a small dining area and the seating had to be arranged in such a way that we could all fit around the table, so these became assigned seats. In our family, as with the Smiths, we sit in our assigned seats even when some of the family is not there. This consistent pattern is comforting.
**I think one I pondered for awhile was Olivia's. She describes her family's routine assignment of chores. Of course, we have chores here too. What I thought about the most is how daily chores, like washing the dishes and laundry or sweeping the floor and taking out the trash are little services that often get taken for granted. It is easy to fall into a routine where everyone just does their chore and no one really thinks about how others are serving them through these simple chores. My "love language" or "relational currency" is time and when the chores are done and I can relax and spend time just hanging out with the kids, it is very meaningful to me. When someone's chores do not get done and I end up having to clean up something I think someone else should have done, it takes away from that time together and I take it very personally. Olivia's sharing of her family's chore assignments reminded me to try and appreciate when everyone does their chores because that in itself is an act of service.
