Oh, The Places Milk Will Go

As a writer, well, you know, at least as someone who keeps calling herself a "writer"; like when I say offhand that I'm going to try to get some "work" done and someone says, "oh, what kind of work do you do?" and I answer "I'm a freelance writer" - since I keep telling people that, I thought I might as well get out some of that old paper and put something together. So, as I wade through this box of old habits, I thought I'd share a few, starting with this one.

Oh, The Places Milk Will Go

I had heard this could happen, but I didn't believe.

I didn't think it was possible until it happened to me.

I was eating my lunch of pizza and yogurt, with milk to drink and pie for dessert.

I saved some of my milk to go with my pie, and listened to jokes from my friend Levi.

We laugh a lot because his jokes are the best.

Our lunch table is always the loudest.

But, laughter is not always a good thing. I was about to learn

a lesson in laughing and eating in turn.

You can't do both at the same time if you want your food to go down the right side.

I was swallowing my milk right at the punch line

when my laugh and my milk came out side by side.

I was quick to close my mouth so I wouldn't spit my milk all over the place where my friends sit.

That wasn't enough to keep it all in.

Out through my nose came a milky white sprayin'.

Now, that was so funny I thought I would burst, but, when I laughed, I just made it worse.

Along came this girl who heard all about it.

She said, "You aint seen nothin' yet!"

I quit laughing when I saw what she had done.

I bet my eyes were the size of the sun.

When she sucked her milk up her nose through a straw...

and pushed it out her eyeballs...

I knew I'd seen it all.