I'm taking a writing class and thought I would share some samples from my class assignments. This prompt was to let the reader know what kind of person Ash Loanwright is without telling you what kind of person he is. Here's my 400-ish words...
“Hold on, little brother,” Ash Loanwright said as he grabbed Ben’s hand.
He
watched the boy’s chest rise and fall in heavy gasps. His grey uniform was
soaked in blood, and nothing Ash had done had slowed its flow. He knew it was
too late for holding on, but he didn’t know what else to say. Ben’s eyes were
opened wide and blood was coming from his mouth. Ash wished he could turn back
time.
“I
think we should take the girls up to Uncle Bob’s in Ohio,” Ben had said.
“Fine.
Fine. Take the women and children. Then, you come right back here and defend
this farm.”
Ash had
insisted that his brother stand strong against the northern oppression,
demanded as the oldest brother that they had to defend their father’s farm, to
save their family land.
Ben’s
grip tightened on his hand with each labored breath.
When his
horse, Betsy, had gotten sick and lay suffering in the barn, Ash had knelt
beside her and rubbed her side with his hand, begging her to get better. His
father had brought him his hunting rifle and told him to put her out of her
misery. To let her go. To let her be at peace.
He
knew his brother was dying, that these were his last breaths. He wondered if it
would be right to give Ben the same mercy he’d given Betsy. He knew he
couldn’t. Even if it was the right thing to do, he knew he couldn’t. The Lord
would have to take Ben. Ash wouldn’t help with that.
Ash
bowed his head.
“Lord,
have mercy,” he begged.
Silence.
Ash
looked up to see Ben’s labored breathing had ended. He let out a gasp, and then
in the silence, he heard a woman scream.
His
brother was gone.
Ash
still lived. He looked to the sky and then leaned over his brother to gently
close his eyes.
He crawled
toward the scream.
He
could smell smoke and it drove him forward. Toward home. Toward his family.
Toward Sally Ann.
He
pushed himself up off the ground. He ran, dragging his injured leg behind him
and cursing it for being so slow. He passed the bodies of his friends and
neighbors. There was nothing he could do for them. They were in the Lord’s
hands now.
He
reached the edge of the woods and saw flames touching the sky above the
barn. He didn’t stop. He kept on towards
the house. He thought of his folks. He thought of Sally Ann, who he swore he
would marry if he could get to her alive.
So, now that you've had a peek at this sampler, let me know in the comments what kind of man do you think Ash Loanwright is? Did I do my job or not?
